A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Helpa guy who I am very close with keeps trying it on with me! My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me recently and I am devastated:( i'm not coping well, I want him back:( and a lot has been going on and I am under stress from exams and stuff.This guy call him J has always had a thing about sex, its like he is desperate for it, he is mates with people who are mates with my ex bf but we are all in a sort of friendship circle, a couple of nights ago J stole my purse and shoved it down his pants?! we were walking his dog we got to this field and he stole my purse layed down pinned my legs over him and kept trying to go up my top he told me if I want it back go down and get it, I didn't want to! I felt horrible and he kept pulling my hand in to get it, he got my hand in his trousers I kept screaming for him to stop, he said I wouldn't be able to touch anything but I think I did, I felt so pressured and when I got my purse back he took it and shoved it down further, I tried to get away but I couldn't I got very annoyed and upset but he continued! I eventually got it back when I said I had to go home! I feel weird and uncomfortable now! I am a decent girl but i'm not frigid, I only would do things if in a relationship! J is suppose to be one of my closest mates!! What do I do now? was it my fault?! how can I stop him from ever doing this again!?help:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, its okay, problem is he is in my form but he has not tried it again he thought he was messing about but I still havnt really spoken too him but thankyou for the advice xxx
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 September 2013):
 Oh sweety of course this is not your fault, he is a horrible horrible person and what he did is technically a crime - you would be well within your rights to report him to the police.
I know that's a bit drastic and you probably wont want to do that, so here is what you need to do instead - end the friendship with him and NEVER be alone with him again. He is clearly dangerous and cannot be trusted around girls, so never allow yourself to be alone with him or in a group of girls with him - if you have to be near him then make sure there are other guys around to stop him from trying anything on.
He is not a close friend if he would try and sexually abuse you - friends dont do that to each other. He probably only talks to you because you are female and he thinks he can try it on with you, so dont worry about 'losing a friend' here, he is not the kind of person you want in your life. Delete his phone number, delete him on facebook, delete him from all social media and block him from contacting you ever again.
I appreciate he is in your circle of friends, so if you are out in a group and he is out too, be polite but as I said before DO NOT spend any time alone with him, try and avoid being anywhere near him.
And if this does happen again, you need to tell your parents and ideally the police - as I said before he is dangerous around girls and if he is allowed to carry on like this he could end up raping someone, so I know it would be hard to do but you would be protecting all the young girls like yourself in your local area.
Please dont blame yourself, you did not deserve this and he is just a stupid boy who cant control his hormones and is going to end up doing something terrible if he's not careful - nothing you have done could have prevented it from happening, he is 100% wrong.
Talk to your parents if things get worse with him, your safety is at risk around him so dont be afraid to speak to an adult - they can help you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 September 2013):
 1. STAY away from him. Tell him why if he asks and then CUT him out. HE is NOT being a friend. He thinks you are an easy target because you are single.
2. IF he does ANYTHING like that again, report him.
Now do you remember when you were little and there were boys on the playground pulling the girls hair? And if you complained an adult would tell you :" Oh that is because he likes you!". Well your friend is acting like a 4 year old. And honestly, if he REALLY likes and respect you he would treat you that way. He is being immature and quite frankly a huge douche-jerk.
Was it your fault? NO WAY!
How do you stop him - look at step 1. again.
I know you think he is a "close mate" but he is not respecting your boundaries AT ALL. If you cut him off maybe he will understand that you do NOT accept this behavior.
JUST because he is a "close mate" doesn't mean he can do whatever he wants.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 September 2013):
 You need to report him. I remember, ah, high school freshmen boys. They were impulsive, so much that they would risk being kicked out of school just to touch a female. Maybe they weren't thinking about consequences at all. The girls on the other hand, just took it, kept it a secret and tried to make excuses that they were just horny. This is not play fight, this is not animals trying to hump on each other. Assault is assault and there is never an excuse for it. You feel uncomfortable, you don't trust him and worry what more he would do. You know that he is probably physically stronger than you. I know it is embarrassing to tell others but the authority needs to know about this.
It is not your fault. He is horny and was projecting his needs onto others. This is not even about whether you are frigid or open. He was forcing you to touch him and wouldn't stop when you screamed. Even raping a slut is a crime. He might not try anything more with you but he needs to be punished before he tries something else with another girl.
These things happen a lot but that doesn't mean stupid young boys should get away with it.
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