A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 31 yo male in long distance relation with a 42 yo guy.I met this guy two years back, when he was in need of money. I felt comfortable with him and proposed for relation, after few months of chatting in internet. He hesitated first, but later accepted for the relation.We were in relation for two years and i did finance help in the first year. Though i stopped finance help, he was still in touch me with me.I am just decent looking guy and occupied with work all time. So i did not go out much and looked for other guys for relation.He admitted he did escorting for his financial needs and he said he is loyal to me in terms of love and affection.Though i understand he does escorting for his living, i feel uncomfortable when i see his postings in internet for escorting.I love him so much, that i could not leave him also. On the other side, i am not able to digest the fact he has sex with other guys.How do i come over this situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCertainly what you say is correct. One should love himself and about his happiness first. By nature, i always care about others and i do things which makes others happy !!! This is an inborn quality in me, which my loved ones appreciate.
Sometimes i compromise with his work. I sell my brain work and he sells his body work !!! :) Could be a blunt statement, but that's the fact.
Thinking about my own happiness, i will surely find some way to over come the issue with this guy and will live for myself from now on. Though it is not much easy, i will definitely give a try :)
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 There is no denying that you are in love with him.
But sometimes, when we are in love, we have to make decisions that are best for us. We have only one life to live, and while love is something that we all strive for, so is peace in life. This love is something that is very strong, I agree. But sometimes love isn't enough, and sometimes love for one's self and one's own happiness has to come first.
It's only you who can decide where your threshold is, and if you think you really can get over what your love does for a living, then I agree with you. But sacrificing your comfort levels for the sake of love isn't really love at all. It's great that you are keeping yourself busy, and that you realize you can't support him financially. I really hope this works out for you, and that one way or another, you find happiness. Everyone deserves to be happy though, especially those people who are in love. :) And by the sounds of it, you aren't happy with your mate's choices. Never lose sight of being happy, even when it comes to love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Thanks a lot for your reply. I truly agree your point that he does for his living and to make easy money in his life.
I also cannot keep paying his bills, just to maintain the relation. If i do this, i will lose myself at some point of time.
My love has been so strong that am not able to move away from this guy. If i start looking for his negative things and then move away from him, then i am not in true love at all.
At the current moment, i am keeping myself occupied with so many tasks so that i do not confuse myself !!! Hoping to find a solution very soon for this problem.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (3 April 2010):
When you are in a relationship with someone, something you have to accept is that you can't change a person. You have to accept them for who they are, and when you do totally accept them, that's what love really is. I mean everyone is going to have their arguments, but as far as personality and what a person does for a living, there isn't much you can do about the matter.
This guy does what he does because he needs money, and because it is what he's comfortable doing. Escorting is an easy way to make a ton of money. Sex sells. You don't need to invest in a degree to have sex, and you certainly get to 'enjoy' your work while getting gobs of money after. I truly believe only a certain type of personality can enjoy this type of work. It's usually someone who is desperate for money, but they aren't willing to put in the extra effort to obtain a job that relies more on their intellectual talent. Are you sure that this is the type of personality you can live with? The only other alternative is that you just financially support him totally, which I don't recommend in the least. That isn't a relationship founded on love, it's a relationship founded on financial benefits, and then you become his one and only long term customer. Not love at all.
If you are unable to digest the fact that he sleeps with other men now, I don't think you'll be able to get over it later. That's just how some of us are wired. We can't imagine our partners having sex with other people, because it feels like betrayal in a sense. I would really suggest considering moving on if you can't get over this, because you certainly aren't going to change him. Unless you can find something that mentally disconnects sex and love in your definition of a relationship (which is really hard), it'll be a rather miserable time for you. And miserable isn't what love is supposed to be. Best of luck to you.
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