A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 24 years old and have been having an affair with a 33 yr old married man from my small community for over a year now. I just found out that his wife is pregnant. I have tried to end our relationship but I always find myself drawn to him. A friend of mine said that I should tell his wife about our relationship. I am so confused , I know that she deserves to know what we are doing. What should I do?
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female
reader, pebbles76  +, writes (25 October 2010):
I am in the same position. Iv been having an affair with a married man or about 18 months now. This weekend i learnt his wife is prgnant. Im devastated. I know he would never have left her but it still hurts, especially since we were trying for our own baby. I just dont know what to do. I love him so much and he does me. I know your thinking that he doesnt, but we talk everyday, everytime he tells me he loves me. He calls me maybe 6 times a day and although he lives about 300 miles away we see each other for at least 3 days once a month. He rode a bike the 300 miles just to tell me as he couldnt do it on the phone. Im really torn. Do i do the right thing and leave him to get on woth his life. Im under no illusions, i know things will change once the baby comes along although he has already said that it wont. He still plans to come see me and has even planned his next trip. His wife is almost at her due date. Im so confused, hurt and upset. Other than just telling me to leave him, what should i do? I know that everyone is now thinking that im just being silly but i really love him, but i dont know if this is the life i have envisaged for myself. I want the whole family thing but im not sure if im just carrying on woth this because im in control and its easier than getting hurt.
A
female
reader, oxx09  +, writes (30 July 2009):
I have just been reading these articles and i hope that you have now found your way out of were you left,i know it's not easy actually it is very hardy but you have to keep strong ,i fell for this shit when i was onyl just 16 years old with a man who was 29 .......he used to tell me all the bullshit that he was going to leave his wife and son and then a few months later his wife got pregnant and he begged me to stay.Believe me it is not easy and i know what you say,he is the perfect guy for me and i will find nobody like him,believe me you will find somebody else,actually even better who is single with no kids,just learn from this experience like i have done...to tell you the truth i still think of him but i am much more happier now he is out of my life ,leave him take care of his wife and kids and you get on with life ,your missing out:-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): bottom line - you do not want to leave this man. you have decided your own fate so just enjoy the ride, you want him still, wife and baby not standing in your way. he will not leave you because he still has "sexual needs" that you are taking care off. as long as you continue to f*ck him, no questions asked, you will be a safe mistress. too much of questioning and letting the cat out of the bag, and then you are dunzo. you will be shortly anyway but i am sure you want to prolong your affair. one thing i am not sure of, i know what he is getting from you. what can he possibly offer you. what need of your sis being met except sexual.i think if you still only keep in it sexual without any feelings, then you are safe, like a prostitute, but once you start developing feelings, then you are history. Men like lovers/mistresses because they are easy, there is not much effort to keep them happy, free dinners, take outs, some jewellery for exchanged sexual favours, some stolen time, some soothing, sweet nothing whisperings and so forth and the mistress is caught, hook, line and sinker. you still have time to decide whether that is the life you envisage for you. but also please note he is going to be a bit tired during the pregnancy and after baby is born. Firstly, taking care of the pregnant wifes needs. If ever you were pregnant you will know what I am talking about. Pregnant women have all those raging hormones, they just want to do it all the time. that poor man will be spent! Then there is the baby to consider, feeding and changing nappies. Extra work to help the wifey out. Not going to leave too much time for his mistress, that much i can assure you. You will have to settle for the crumbs. Just be careful he doesn't fall asleep while he is active with you. This wife and baby thing is Just too damn tiring, i tell you.
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female
reader, Harmony1st  +, writes (16 April 2009):
It is his responsiblity to tell his wife not yours. You have done enough damage here so move on with your life and find a relationship which is not immoral.
There is an innocent life who was made out of love that is about to enter this world and you need to think of this little person instead of yourself. This baby is going to need all the love and attention it deserves.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): If he is still having sex with his wife and planning a family with her then he has no intentions of leaving her for you.There is going to be a child born into this world and if you are a decent human being you will break it off with him and allow this family to get on with it without your interference. What you are already doing with this man is selfish and immoral. If you had a conscience you wouldn't have crossed the line with him in the first place.I know what I am talking about because I was the pregnant wife in this situation and I am still with my husband and our baby is now six months old. I discovered the affair after my child was born and he shut out his mistress like she was nothing. We are working on our marriage and making it stronger than ever and he is sick to the stomach knowning what he did with this other woman.You are not welcome to be messing around with a married man. Move on and find yourself an honest relationship. Your relationship with him is built on shame, guilt, mistrust and lust, it is not true love. How would you feel if someone did this to you when you were starting a family with the man you love who has made a commitment by god to you?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Your friend is talking a load of nonsense in saying that you should tell his wife.You say you are so confused? Let me (in addition to the other aunts and uncles here) attempt to un-confuse you:First: this man's wife does NOT deserve to know. What do you think that would accomplish? Other than to make her angry and upset, not to mention her husband's reaction.Second: Please don't tell yourself (and us) that you have "tried" to end it with him, but find yourself drawn to him. You are making an excuse to yourself to keep right on with him. One doesn't "try" to do something. You either do it, or not. You grit your teeth, stiffen your backbone and tell him never, in any circumstances to contact you again. You and he are FINISHED. End of story.Third: Wrong as he was to carry on an affair with you, you are equally wrong knowing that he is married. That means he and his wife owe their primary loyalty to each. He does NOT owe YOU any loyalty - EXCEPT to make an absolute, final ending of your affair. His primary commitment was always to his wife, but even more so now that they're expecting a baby.That's all I have to say.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): you should leave him and his wife alone, that is what you should do. yes, he used you for sex while he was making a baby with HIS WIFE. yes , he lied to you that he wasn't intimate with her and yes he was cheating with you on her. But he did the beautiful deed with his wife and now they are both expecting. I know that you are angry, that you want to scream and ask, how could he? Well, he could and he did with both his wife and you. Hard hard lesson to be learnt by you, your married man is over the mood with his wife's pregancy. You have 2 choices, to either shut up and accept the situation. You are only his bit on the side, his (i love this term) F**k buddy, nothing more, sorry. and be happy with the scraps.Or, you can do the decent thing and move on, this time with a single man. Leave the married man, for goodness sake, i am sure you have a good head on your shoulders, so do the right thing and break it off.I am sure you want to tell her, you want revenge. For what, he is just not worth it. Let his wife deal with the cheater that he is. Whether she knows it or not, this time make you a priority. You need to leave and you have hard decisions to make. Good luck.
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female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (14 April 2009):
 You are hurt now you want to hurt her. It has nothing to do with you thinking she needs to know. What about you stopping what you're doing, and then she won't need to know.
You are worried about telling her and you're not even mentioning leaving him. That's the big issue. You need to leave this married man. He's wife is pregnant, the same woman he proposed to and chose to spend the rest of his life. The woman who's having his first child, a child they will raise and love together. Please walk away and don't DESTROY what they have.
You will find your own man, but you have to leave this one first.
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female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (13 April 2009):
Oh, BTW he's not your man - he is her man, her husband. Don't call him your man.
Do the right thing.
K.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 April 2009):
 Awww come on, you know exactly what you should do, you just are too selfish to do it. Tell the guy to go take care of his wife and to never darken your door again. Let the poor pregnant wife alone and get on with your life, you can't have this "prize" he belongs to someone else. Find your own man will ya?
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