A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 34 year old female and I have been with this guy for almost 9 and a half years. He is my colleague and we still work together. However, when I met him, he was already engaged to be married, and although we loved each other, he still got married a couple of months later. Anyway, we managed to keep this going on for these long years. We do love each other even if it is not right.However, these last months, he has been acting strangely towards another girl at our workplace. The first time was when we had a night out with people from work, and he was dancing rather provocatively with her, knowing that I would get hurt. Another time was a couple of weeks later when in another outing, he didnt give me a lift home last like usual but he took her home last. again, knowing how hurt I was gonna be. From then on, I started noticing things at work, like eyecontact between them, and continuous text messaging, and their cell phones ringing as soon as the other stops texting. This week, I was looking for him cos I needed help in something, and couldnt find him, then went in the Staffroom, and found them there, and they both didnt say a word. I already confronted him, but he's been denying that something happened between them, However I can feel him searching for her and not for me. It's like he started disliking my company all of a sudden.I dont know what to do, cos I do love him. And another thing is that I dont want to compromise our working relationship with this situation if I decide to quit with him.
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female
reader, Raewyn  +, writes (7 February 2012):
This is a very difficult situation for you, unfortunately all those replies posted already are right. This man is ultimately a "cheat and a liar". Why is any one's guess, men behave in this fashion for any number of reasons often due to issues of self esteem and self worth. Nine or so years is a long time to have been "second best",and it seems to me you are about to slip off the list altogether.You have invested a great deal in a relationship which will never develop into something worthwhile. Difficult as it is ask yourself why you would persist with this situation?It is difficult to remove yourself from something in which you have invested so much emotionally, however if you persist then your position will continue to deteriorate. You deserve a fulfilling relationship in which there is no subterfuge or dishonesty.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): If he cheats on his wife, he will cheat on you. You r wasting time being silly and naive. After sex with the co worker, he will do it again and move on to the next. Put ur emotions to the side and get out. In time u will feel great. At 34, u could have been married with kids. Now u have to start late because u have wasted so much time with someone who belonged to another.
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A
male
reader, Uncle_Unsparing  +, writes (6 February 2012):
Gee, you suspect your boyfriend who has been cheating on his wife with you throughout the entire course of his marriage is now going out of his way to hurt you by flaunting his budding relationship with another woman while keeping secrets and misleading you about his true intentions towards her?Now you know how the missus must feel, fortunately for her he can't just trade in a wife for a younger model as easily as he can trade in his backstreet mistress who presumably can't go public or else she'll risk jeopardizing her job of approximately ten years. You knew he was capable of cheating on his wife from the day he got married. Whatever made you think he wasn't capable of cheating on his backstreet mistress? He has absolutely nothing to lose, probably enjoys publicly twisting the knife in ways only you can fully comprehend, assuming your colleagues and boss(es) are unaware of his ongoing long-term extra-marital affair. Random question: does his apparent new flame and co-worker appear to be about nine and a half years younger than you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): He is married. You cannot lose him because you do not have him. He never fully committed to his wife or to you. His behavior is like a youngster's. You are fortunate that you can walk away. Must. I am sure you have considered a job search so you won't have to see him. You have placed your life on hold. He is hurting you and not trying to stop doing so. he is unworthy of you. You must love yourself enough to be unavailable to him including a halt on caring about him. This is wasting your life. Enough. You know this. He is a selfish and coldperson. Walk away. Now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): He is married. You cannot lose him because you do not have him. He never fully committed to his wife or to you. His behavior is like a youngster's. You are fortunate that you can walk away. Must. I am sure you have considered a job search so you won't have to see him. You have placed your life on hold. He is hurting you and not trying to stop doing so. He is unworthy of you. You must love yourself enough to be unavailable to him including a halt on caring about him. This is wasting your life. Enough. You know this. He is a selfish and cold person. Walk away. Now.
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