A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been married 2 years and have a child who is nearly 1.My problem is that my husband doesnt want to spend time with me to take me out,He just stays at home,eats and uses the computer to do stupid research.He doesnt do anything romantic like bring me flowers or gifts,doesnt offer or ask for advice,doesnt want to talk about his feelings...basically we have no realtionship no friendship,nothing between us.If i even try to get him off the computer to lets say ask him to watch a movie or even the news or anything he gets angry and i get hurt so i just keep quiet.What can i do to change him.with him i stay at home all day because i dont feel like going out alone.it gets boring after some time.i love him i dont know why,how can i change him...he has no reagards for my feelings..
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female
reader, sexy thing  +, writes (4 September 2007):
advise i cannot give cause i sit in the same situation
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): Have an idea you:1. set a day2. get a bay sitter for that day2. Make a reservation at a nice hotel2. send him an e-mail and/or leave him a note with the Hotel information (make sure he reads it)3. At the hotel, you'll surprise him dressed up sexy and with a bottle of champaneGood Luck, Maybe getting him out the house and his enviroment will bring back the romance between the two of you
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A
female
reader, jazzie1  +, writes (29 August 2007):
I'm sorry that your in a relationship like that. The best thing to do is see if you can go to counseling since, you love him, but if that doesn't work I would defitnetly find a babysitter and make plans with your girlfriends. If he wants to be left alone that is the route you should take. Every person requires that love and affection from their loved one and if he has issues with that you should not settle for less. you only live once, please yourself first at all times. Good Luck,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): Hi i understand your feelings and i feel u so much ...i think your husband is think marriage is all about making babies and making sure there is food in the house. Now u have to make him see more than that.some men hate it when they suspect their wife flirt.. now u have to make him feel u are doing so. mayb pickin calls from other people who u know he may b familiar with so may him see the new you. come back home with gift and pretend like u dont need him so say thank.. speak more of guys... i mean like ....DARLIN DO U KNOW THAT MR JACK IS A NICE MAN?...OH HE IS JUST A FINE MAN1...Mayb he would ne force to say why did u say so just tell him something nice...go out more with yr girlfriends and chat alot with them ..u see him thinkin u've gone wild ....try those tricks and make sure u dont stop being romantic yourself ..it would help him... kiss him often and give him peck often and hugs ...make him see d real in you... mean while i will pray for u
Blixx
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (29 August 2007):
 My heart goes out to you! Have you asked him why he's like this? Is he aware of how much it's damaging your intimacy?
I was once married to a guy who would never really talk to me about anything. He would come home, flop down in front of the TV and be content to do that for the rest of the night. When I'd try interacting with him, talking about work or things we might want to do together, he'd just grunt and give me one-syllable answers but bascially have nothing else to say. I later figured out that he had poor social skills and being the strong-silent type, like his father, he saw opening up and talking about things as a sign of weakness. So he'd just clam up and I'd end up doing all the talking. Our lack of communication created a huge gap in our intimacy and I eventually lost interest in him sexually because I cannot give myself to someone sexually that I don't feel connected to. I suspect your spouse is using the computer as a means of avoidance. Either that or he's hiding an addiction to porn and just pretending to be working. Pick a night, send the child to a babysitter's, plan a nice dinner, dress sexy, and grab him at the door. Tell him point blank that if the two of you don't start spending more "couple" time together you don't know how much longer you can stay in the marriage. Maybe that will get his attention. Maybe you can salvage your marriage before your feelings have evaporated completely. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): Hello Anon,
After having a child (especially) your first, can put a strain on a couples relationship as your lives have completely changed. It seems that your husband has a problem or feeling, and is using the computer to 'hide' behind.
I think the best thing for you to do is to talk to him, not only your own sake but for your child. As your child gets older its amazing how they pick up on the subtlest thing between parents. Talk to him, and tell him how your are feeling, and how the situation is making you feeling. Perhaps get a babysitter and go out for dinner to a restaurant where you used to go often and say to him that you miss going out like this and how you want to become closer again. It is always worth finding out about couples counselling in your area to help address any issues.
I hope this helps, take care.
Xx
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