My marriage is crumbling and I don't think my husband loves my daughter

A female age 41-50, *den777 writes:

Currently, I have just survived cancer treatment. Going through chemo and radiation was torture but also made me appreciate life so much more and to not worry so much about problems because, life is more important. So, during my treatment, when I couldn't eat, I could barely walk, I told myself, if...when I get through this, I will start living for me instead of everyone else. I will make myself happy instead of trying to make others happy. I still do try but I also put myself first. Soon, after treatment was finished, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. Mind you, I have a daughter from a previous ten year relationship. She is five years old and is my blessing in life. I love her to death. She is going through the change of having him in our lives so it is difficult for her because she is quite spoiled. She is used to having me to herself and sleeping with me, as it took me a great amount of time to allow anyone in her life. So, now she sleeps in her own room but frequently gives us a hard time about. Anyhow, I'd like to make this shorter then longer. I married a man, quite different then me. I'm totally californian and he is from the middle east and is Muslim. I recently converted into islam after years of studying it and observing it and I respect what it "truly" stands for. I truly thought it would be happily ever after, he accepted my daughter, my daughter sees him as dad, we were in love with each other, life was great. Now, he is becoming super controlling, I can only go out with my best friend once a month but I have to make sure I'm home by 6, no later. That is everyday as well. I cannot invite anyone over, he says yes but later has an attitude about it. He gets angry when I frequently visit my mother who lives down the street. He gets mad when she calls more then twice a day, he gets mad when she comes to see me. She feels his mood so she makes sure to leave before he arrives home. No matter what I do or how I have changed, he always fights me without fail once a week. I cook for him three times a day, we make love everyday, we call each other several times a day but I am on eggshells because if I say the wrong thing, when he gets home, he will ignore me or we will end up having some dramatic event. Thank God, it happens when my daughter is with my mom. I can tell he doesn't like my daughter which is very bothersome to me because she is still so little, just a baby. I know she is a handful but we're adults and she's five. Unfortunately, I cannot have children and this is a issue for him because he does not have kids of his own and due to religion, we cannot adopt or have a child through surrogacy. I didn't survive cancer to have a life like this. No matter what I do, whether I stay home, do everything right, he finds something I do wrong and had a attitude about it. I'm not an angel but I'm just a no nonsense woman and I don't sweat the small things. Change is good in my eyes. In fact, I'm a girly girl kind of woman, I love to wear dresses and now, I'm in pants everyday and cover my arms with long sleeve shirts as well. What else does he want? He always says he feels I'm not his. What more can I do? We are in our early thirties and when he wakes up, he's on facebook, when he arrives home, he's on facebook. He is so moody. I love him dearly. I don't believe in divorce and would be very embarrassed by it but I feel as if this is my answer. My face looks as if its aging because I can't seem to please him to go a week without fighting me. Despite all my changes to meet his needs, to make him feel secure, nothing seems to work. He doesn't even let me do my nails or hair when I have school the next day. I'm confused and would like advice or opinions. I feel I'm falling into depression because I do love him. He isn't all bad, he takes me out on his only day off, he provides for us financially and on my birthday, he always brings me for a vacation. When he isn't upset, he's super loving and sweet, as long as I am careful to not say or do anything. Actually, as long as I stay home....by myself with no visitors or anything. I am extremely stressed, tired of fighting for no good reason. I am a grateful person, God gave me a second chance of life, I am grateful to wake up in the morning, walk, eat, play with my little one, see her smile, dance in my living room alone, chat with friends....I thought being married, we would have fun, be happy, appreciate our time together. Yes, I survived treatment for cancer but I still am waiting to see if it is fully gone, in remission. I want to enjoy life, who knows if the cancer didn't go away? Why spend it fighting all the time, why can't we just love each other and be happy? We don't have the most glamourous life style, we are middle class and live in a decent apartment. Yes, we are striving for more but until then, appreciate what God has blessed us with. I do the candle light dinners, I do the sexy lingerie, the calls for no reason to ensure him that I love him. He does absolutely no house chores because of his upbringing, I do it all. And still, he has attitude all the time. I feel like we're doomed and slowly, he is losing my love. I am afraid to leave him because it took so long to meet the right person but I do believe in God and I know he will send another one but I wanted it to work with him, he is my husband but all this mental stress, the rules, the hurt, the dislike of my daughter, I don't know if I can continue, I don't want to keep wasting time. I want my daughter to grow up with love and confidence, not be sad. She tells me she loves him, he doesn't show her he doesn't like her but I see him roll his eyes when she comes to kiss me, he doesn't communicate with her, play with her or show affection towards her, at least a hug when she greets him when he gets home, instead of just hi. I'm hurt, sad and scared. Usually, I'm the one giving advice, usually, I'm the strong one for everyone, even strangers but I'm having a hard time giving myself advice. Your comments, answers, opinions would mean a lot to me.

View related questions: best friend, confidence, divorce, facebook, muslim

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