A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Girls have you ever approached a guy and had him reject you? I am not talking about being dumped. I am talking about when you first meet a guy, you put yourself out there and ask him out and he shoots you down. I have this theory. Most girls seem to think they understand men, I think they don't understand men at all. The reason? Men are expected to do most of the approaching. I think most girls have never really approached a guy, and if they have, they usually do not get rejected because the guy is flattered. Because of this women, never really understand rejection, or fear of rejection and do not realize how much skill and effort it takes for guys to get good at approaching. I have always said that a lot of guys get rejected the first few times the approach a girl when they are 12 or 13, and they are shocked by how much they get hurt, women do not have this experience as part of growing up. It is much safer to "wait for him to make the first move" than risk getting hurt by putting yourself out there. Am I right or am I wrong? Girls have you ever approached a guy and been rejected? If so did it bother you or not? Also, how old were you at the time of your first rejection? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): I'm a woman who spent most of my teenage years feeling rejected by guys. Even at 18-19 after I was out of high school, I had problems with being rejected. And even when the guys did go out with me, they didn't really act like they were all that interested. One would constantly stare at every other girl that walked by, one would go days without contacting me and make excuses not to see me, and another lived far away from me. The only way we saw each other was if I came to see him. He never once came to see me. Now, get this I wasn't unattractive or anything. I had a great body, and a pretty face, but I was really socially awkward. I had no confidence in myself at all, due to growing up with a mentally disturbed sister, and a father who just didn't care about me.
I am married now, so things worked themselves out. I met my husband by total accident, too. All the guys I chased were no longer important to me. Life is funny.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): I am not sure if I agree with your theory, when I was younger I never had a boyfriend and asked out several boys out at school, and I was told that I was ugly and fat. But for some strange reason, even after my self-esteem was shattered, and the fact that I was still clinging on to hope, 20 years later I recently gave it another go and asked out a guy, but this time in a gentlemanly manner he told he that he was flattered, but not interested. Now that I do not listen to the lyrics of my favourite boy bands and am no longer delusional, I have learnt that if I guy really likes you he will ask you out.
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A
female
reader, Nik9  +, writes (16 September 2012):
You are right when you say that women do not typically have this kind of experience when they are growing up. Although there are some girls who approach guys they don't know and ask them out, I was not one of these girls and I didn't know very many of them either. However, I HAVE flirted with many guys(which is basically our way of saying "Ask me out now because I'll say yes"). Perhaps guys should start with becoming friends with the girl first, gradually flirting and showing interest, then asking the girl out. It seems like a better route than randomly selecting a pretty girl on campus/on the street and asking her out when she doesn't even know you. Also, women have very, very different things to worry about when growing up. We have a lot of pressure on us to impress other GIRLS, not so much boys. I remember growing up(ages 11-15) that having the right outfit, makeup, jewelry, technology, attitude and/or skill could really benefit your social standing in the world of girls. Girls can be extremely mean and judgmental of other girls. So while you guys were being rejected by girls who don't even know you, us girls were stressing out about whether or not we would be rejected from the "popular" girls' group(even if one of them was your best friend when you were little), or whatever other social group a girl is trying to fit into.Girls and boys just have different experiences and different stresses to deal with when growing up and in life, which is why women will never truly understand men and men will never truly understand women. We're wired differently. I've just accepted it and appreciate men for what they are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): I lost my virginity to this boy who rejected me to only found out he was just using me & kept leading me on until he found someone else. i never tired so hard for a guy to like me. and i was only 14.... i was stupid worst feeling ever wish he never took something so special away from me.
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