A
female
age
,
*eri
writes:Dear Cupid: What have I done? My man of 8 years will not even try to have sex with me. He won't even flirt, act interested or touch me. Since our daughter was born he has regularly slept in another room, and he likes it that way. I think it's disgusting!! Last year I spent almost $1000 on videos, sex toys and even tried to join a gym. The result? I got lean, and spent most of the nights playing alone by myself. Even more gross! He gives me excuses, it's his weight, it's his life (he wants to take care of his problems first) it's our relationship (it's changed since we have a child). I have never faced this in my life. He says if he asks me it's not 'respectful'. I am starting to be really hurt and sad about this! I am not 30 I am 45 but in no way over the hill yet. Please help me or send feedback. He is 53. What is going on?
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male
reader, Awiserowl  +, writes (6 November 2008):
Videos, sex toys? Get rid and phone me lol. He is gay and only married you to keep up appearances and produce a baby so his family don't suspect. Once duty fulfilled he went back to doing his own thing.
So many closet gays, why don't they just come out and be done with it. It's 2008 guys.
A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (6 November 2008):
 There could be many reasons why. It is very Important that you go and talk with him about this issue, its really not normal. He could have some chemical imbalance where his self-esteem is suffering. It is vitally important for your well being to talk to him gently about this matter. When he told you its his weight that does not really sound like a plausable reason. He siad to you he wants to take care of his problems first, which problems??, you must find that out. A relationship is about sharing ups and downs. You should maybe advise him for some counseling. If he does not change after you have tried everything, I think you should maybe think of a separation because his behaviour is going to effect your well being.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): Hi
One day you will be too old! you need to decide if you want to take that risk. I would offer your husband the POST of BUTLER respectfully of course! while you have a good jump. He is never going to get better. Or you accept that he may have a problem that you can both work out.
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (6 November 2008):
 He sounds like he's making excuses I don't think it's you, although maybe you've putting too much pressure on him? He might be depressed, and he might be feeling negative about himself, if you've been improving yourself.
He might see you differently since you had a child, some men find it difficult to go beyond seeing you as a mother rather than being his partner. Maybe there's pressures at work.
Maybe he'd just lost interest in sex, there's lots of reasons why he is feeling like this.
You need to speak to him again, and try not to be to tough or lose your temper with him. Say your going to stop trying to make love to him, and tell him you still find him sexy and attractive. Tell him you would like to go to the doctors to check everything is ok with him physically and maybe try a seeing someone to help with your relationship?
Try being friends again and doing things with just the 2 of you, hold his hand and go for a walk, cook his favourite meal and snuggle up on the sofa, if he tries to pull away say you just want a cuddle, and not anything else.
I hope this helps.
Good luck.
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