A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:DEAR CUPID. my man is not romantic. he is too stiff 4 me. i try many ways to change him but it just inclined a little. he just doesn,t get it. i try giving him pleasure but he doesn't take it to the extent i presume.wat do i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Brigid  +, writes (17 June 2008):
I'm with the training on this one. If he's a good bloke in every other way - then training is the way to go.
I have yet to meet a man that it is natural at romance - and frankly I might find it a bit weird if I did!
You just have to make it absolutely clear that you have certain expectations. Flowers etc on valentine's, birthdays and any other day you might fancy. Meals out at reasonably regular intervals. A certain amount of smoochiness is also a reasonable expectation
This can be spelled out in words of one syllable if necessary. If however he then refuses on the grounds that he doesn't see the point then he is effectively telling you that he doesn't see the point in making you happy, at which point leave!
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (17 June 2008):
 Most men are absolutely clueless when it comes to romance. You have to teach them to behave the way you want them to behave.
It's not unlike training a small puppy, except that you need to get him to respond to situations and circumstances without having to whistle and without needing to give him a slap with a rolled-up newspaper when he misbehaves (although, you can do that if you prefer. Some do.)
It doesn't actually take too long, mostly, to get them to realise that approaching birthday/anniversary requires a bunch or flowers, box of chocolates or something similar. They can also be trained to recognise the more obvious signs that require a reaction - like a particular perfume might indicate the need for nocturnal attention, while wearing the thick, baggy nightdress means "don't you dare touch me".
Similar training can be given in the bedroom. You don't have to refuse them anything, but it doesn't take them long to realise, for example, that unless they actually make a serious effort with the foreplay then all they're going to get that night is someone who lies there like an inanimate lump of lard ("Lie back and think of England" - or in your case, America.)
If he simply doesn't know how to do what you want (and that's very common) then tell him and show him. "No! Press THERE." "Not like THAT! Like THIS!" "Stick your tongue RIGHT out." etc etc.
So if your man isn't doing what you want, what are you waiting for? Train him and teach him. It ain't rocket science.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 June 2008):
 You live in a free country, go find another one, one that is romantic. Where's my easy button...oh here it is "That was easy!".
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