A
female
age
41-50,
*egryan
writes:My partner is a wonderful man however I have realised he is a people pleaser. In saying this he will go out of his way to do things for me or buy me things however I feel his resentment when we have a discussion and he throws all this back in my face. I am a very fair person and love this man cause he is kind. He is a pleaser and I am a woman who will take control if given it. So I try to put the decisions etc back on him so I don't pay for his resentment later. This doesn't seem to be working, is there another way to approach this Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Marte +, writes (22 August 2008):
 I think it's important for both of you to get some counselling, so you can get a different perspective from someone impartial. Relationships Australia do couples counselling, my husband and I have been and both of us found it to be really beneficial to get a clearer understanding of what issues were stopping us from moving forward in our relationship. He was a bit hesitant at first, but after going he could see that we really needed it. Sometimes it just helps to open up the lines of communication without having all the defensiveness and blaming, and I think that is what counselling helps couples to do. You really owe it to each other to explore this option.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (22 August 2008):
When he throws it back in your face in an arguement then tell him to take it all back. Refuse to let him do things for you for a while.
Sit him down and tell him you are sick of the way things are. If he sees it's a serious problem and he's so willing to please you most of the time then he shouldn't have a problem talking about your problems.
Find out why he feels the need to "buy" your love by doing all these things.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (22 August 2008):
 So he's probably co dependant? Might be a good idea to see a counsellor together to try and sort it out. There is a reason he is that way and usually they are complex reasons that he probably wont even know himself yet.
But i know how hard it can be being with a co dependant, you never feel like you can get anything right with them!
C xxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, caraduddy +, writes (22 August 2008):
 discuss with him that you dont expect him to do everything. say you are able. tell him you can both do things for eachother but you are capable of doing things for yourself. say thanks but your okay with handling things on your own
...............................
|
