A
male
age
51-59,
*amielarouch
writes:I am 41, married 10 years, no kids and have fallen in love with another women (14 years younger). I know the other women now 1 year from another State. She visited me several times (when my wife was out of town) and I visited her often including her parents. Problem, she thinks I am separated with divorce in process. She wants to move in with me in 2 months, has given notice to her apartment and believes that she can move in with me. Last winter I told her that she can move to my City and State with me and she is looking for a job. BUT, my wife is still living with me ! Oh my God what a mess I have gotten into. My wife is loving but hates my parents, sisters and family and we are constantly at war about family topics. I really wanted to leave but was always scared. Now I found a women that understands me and is open and willing to accept my family. Problem is that I cheated on my wife and lied to the other women. Is there any way forward that can end this nightmare. I am very scared to lose both and my sanity. I know I will end up hurting many people, but that is the best way forward, please help me I am lost and confused. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Is there any hope? Any advice is appreciated. I don't want to continue lying.
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cheated on my wife, divorce Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 March 2011):
 That is what you get when you lie and try to have your cake and eat it.
I suggest you fess up to both wife and mistress. They both have the right to the truth.. Whatever the outcome, you will have to suck it up.
A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (12 March 2011):
You have come to the point where you have realized you have to man up and tell the truth. Unfortunately, there will probably be a lot of collateral damage. It's not as if you were telling little white lies. Lying and cheating is never a good policy. It just creates major problems, as you now know. Big whoppers on the magnitude of what you have been telling are ... well...whoppers. Yes, your wife and your gf are going to be mighty pissed at you. As for you leaving your wife, she'll make that decision for you pretty quickly and emphatically once she finds out what you've been up to. As for your gf, you're certainly not going to look like long-term relationship material to her now after she learns you lied to her about such an important detail. So, yes the fallout may be that you end up alone. Don't know. What I do know is that the best way forward is to come clean. Start living your life with integrity. If people you know or meet can't handle your truth, then so be it. As they say, the truth will set you free. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (12 March 2011):
 If you have been so unhappy and want to leave, snd love your girlfriend more than your wife, then why haven't you left already???
I suggest you, file for divorce, rent an apartment and leave asap, or you WILL lose both.
Just tell your wife that your not happy anymore, and feel like you have grown apart. If she doesn't beleive you and insists you stay and try to work things out then you may have to tell her that it's to late you have already fallen in love with someome else. But don't be cruel. Just get out.
2nd your probably going to have to admitt to your girlfriend that you didn't
A: leave your wife, or
B: file for divorce quite as long ago as you had lead her to beleive. But she will probably forgive you as long as you have everything ready for her when she gets there.
If you can't do all those things before she gets here for any reason, then you better tell her that you are still a married man before she moves and gives up the rest of her life to be with you.
And finally sorry but yes, everyone you know is going to find out, there is really no way to hide this, not from her family, not from your friends, not from your family, not from the people at church, and not from the people you work with.
THey are all going to find out you had an affair. You can't do anything about that, so all I can tell you is that most people will be more understanding then you may think. And most of them will accept the idea that you never meant to hurt your wife, you just fell in love with someone else.
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A
female
reader, neha da  +, writes (12 March 2011):
the best thing to do is tell your wife about the divorce but firstly select what you want,your wife or the new love!tel your lover to be patient and tell her that you need some time cus u have family issues.have the divorce soon and tell your wife everything.be calm and dont lie.
good luck
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