A
male
age
30-35,
*aptainh
writes:I've been bottling up so many thoughts and feelings for as long as I know. I just wanna tell someone,anyone, just to get all this stuff off my chest, but its knowing who and when the right time is is the problem. I have been seeing a counsellor through school, which helps but, there is this huge desire to tell my peers (people at school etc). I have had the chance to do this a few times, and have gotten an overwhelming reaction, but things have not changed a whole lot (in terms of knowing where I belong etc)I am a fairly confident person, get on well with most people, but im stuck in a shy persons body. There are so many negative thoughts going through my mind that I feel I have not had the relationship with some people (girls, guys at school) that I believe I could've had and keep telling myself that im not good enough (to be friends with them) or something; I already regret this but I dont wanna regret this any further. I have friends and, seemingly, most people like me, but I am having trouble knowing exactly where I belong. Im stuck at home most weekends, when most of my peers are of at gatherings, doing things that teenagers should be doing. Im sick and tired of taking a back seat socially.I hate saying this, but i feel like im lacking confidence. For example, girls (who dont know me all that well) who I may know through friends at school have said nice things about me and all that, but yet I still lack the confidence to approach them and build a relationship with them. As many answers as I could get would be very much appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (18 March 2011):
Hello again. You're very welcome.
It does sound like you have a positive attitude towards life.
I do recommend you try and buy a copy of "Your Erroneous Zones, by Dr Wayne Dyer". I can practically guarantee it will give you a whole different outlook on life.
Take care.
A
male
reader, captainh +, writes (16 March 2011):
captainh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for the help guys. I will attempt to put the wise words you guys have given me into practice. thank you for the suggestion Dorothy Dix, I very much appreciate it :)
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (13 March 2011):
Hi there. It's all part of the growing up process.You need to start believing in yourself and that you are already worthy and are perfect just the way you are.This comes with time.Unless anyone in your life has told you that you are unworthy or somehow made you feel that way, then these feelings are coming from inside of you.Everyone is equal. No one person is any better than anyone else. The worst thing anyone can do in life, is to compare themselves to others.The more you can do with your life - in your spare time - the better you feel about yourself. We all need to have a sense of purpose and achievement in our everyday lives.Not everyone necessarily likes to always be with other people every waking moment. There are times where we all prefer our solitude. So don't feel that you always have to be talking to other people, just so you feel complete as a human being. That is a fallacy.Many years ago in my life, I went through a period of time where I felt a bit lacking in my self esteem.Then one guy I dated for a short time, told me about a very good book which made all the difference in my life - from that moment on.That book is called - "Your Erroneous Zones, by Dr Wayne Dyer".Dr Wayne Dyer, is a well known American phsychologist. And he's very good at what he does.It's an excellent motivational book, which I have read many times over the years.The book talks about living in the present moment, not blaming others or feeling guilt either. It talks about absolutely everything that happens in life. I found it very, very helpful indeed. In fact, I've never looked back since.From the very first reading of the book, within the first few pages, I felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I just can't explain it, except to say that it changed the whole path of my life from that moment on, It really did. I felt so much happier than I had ever been before.It definitely improved all my relationships. I felt much more confident and my sense of humour increased as well. I became much more happy go lucky and light hearted generally.It was back in the late 1970's when I purchased the book, but I'm sure that you can still buy it now, in any good bookstore. It is under the category of either - motivational or new age or self help.I can tell you, that it's really worth picking up a copy for yourself. You might even be able to borrow it from your local library, maybe.In any case, it's a book you don't just read once and give it away. It's truly a book that you keep forever, and read it about every 2 years or so, just to refresh the ideas in your mind again.It's well worth the effort of reading it, I can assure you.It will make a difference in your life, in a very positive way.Take care and best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): I have a similar problem as you. We are simply cowards due to the way we've been treated in the past. I was bullied and knocked back by girls.
Resilience is a trick I haven't quiet conquered, it is of great importance that you can laugh at yourself. You must build bridges and invite people over to your place rather than expecting people to like you, people may think you aren't interested.
Or, you are hiding the fact that you don't like your friends. You want to be normal and because they are like you, you can't feel normal. Don't forsake your friends unless they are excluding you. If they are ask to join in or find some new friends.
You are very insecure and I suggest that you learn to like yourself. Self-improvement is a big part of confidence, imagine you are a stranger and write down all the good things about you. Then write down the things that are not so good and set goals and targets to improve/overcome your insecurities.
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