A
male
age
41-50,
*umpman23
writes:OK here goes i am 26 and she is 26 ,i am about to spill my heart out for advice ,everything i am about to mention is the truth , some things have not been mentioned to protect the people involved however this is only about half of the things i would like to say for the sake of keeping the amount of txt to a minimumI met this girl at a care home where i worked ,she had started working in the kitchen there. When i first saw her i could not belive how beautiful she was with a beaming smile As i got to find out more about her i found out she was married with a 1 1/2 year old girl ,so i thaught well thats a no go area and we where just friends ,so as time progressed i found out and she told me that she was very un-happy at home and had been for a long time cause her husband cannot treat her right and she is constantly upset and depressed so we became more friendly and one afternoon out of the blue because we where both not working decided spare of the moment to go to blackpool ,which was a wicked time and so very special because we noticed how perfect we where together, we are the same person with the same thoughts and outlook .we talk the same ,act the same ,chill the same ,once again we are the mirror image of one another .This trip was a trip as friends though and nothing more in both our eyes and the night ended with me dropping her off at her husbands with a simple peck on the cheak and we both said thanks for a fun time So the days roll by and i was meeting her and getting a few phone calls saying how bad things where at home and she cant stand it ,One night she came and met me out of work with beers so we went to mine and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex in the lounge (prior to this i had been making sure she was fully committed and that the divorce was going through) she said its true and we ended up making love. A few days after this one night i got a phone call on my mobile in bed about 1 in the morning , she had walked out on her husband and wanted me to pick her up So from that day forward she ended up living with me for 3 1/2 months in which time our relationship was very very strong , As ive said we are the same person ,ive found my sole mate i thaught) the first girl i have been truly in love with and she loved me back exactly the same. It was the happiest time of my life without a doubt we talked about the future and we both said that we are perfect for one another and WILL eventually at one point be able to spend the rest of our lives together.All the time through this period she was of cource in contact with her husband (of course for the childs sake),arguing a hell ove alot on the phone ,in tears all of which i was beside her while on the phone ,comforting her.she went home every night to be with her daughter ,to be there ,to feed her ,to bath her and then i would pick her up when the little'un was asleep After many months of pure bliss the strain of things began to show on my dear girl and she ended up staying with an old work mate to chill out ,i was in contact all the time she was there , but when she got back home she said she had to move back in to her's because the daughter was missing her and her husband was wanting to sort everything out and (try yet again to do things right)At first i was so so upset , her mind was set she had to go back for the kids sake which is more then fair enough as i/we both new what we had let ourselves in for in this relationship .She all ways said PLZ PLZ WAI T FOR ME, because he will without a doubt slip up again and that would be it , we would be together forever!! So after much concideration and pleading that she meant her words , we carried on as normal , she lived back at her's with him and we where in constant contact with each other , when he went to work i was around there 20 mins after he left every morning so we where both whole again this has continued for a month now and we where going to go on our second holiday together to amsterdam ,she had already found an excuse for the husband why she was going to be gone for 3 days and we where set ,then, out ove the blue this illness struck my angel and she was in hospital with what was first feared to be appendicitis ,so i was visiting her every night her husband left but she told me when she got out 2 weeks later that the whole thing was due to stress and that i am the only person she has told this to So she got out of hospital and the day after i went around to hers after the husband had gone to work and straight away we made love on the bed and had a wonderful meal and had a laugh But now she has come out of the blue and said that she wants two weeks apart from each other and she was going to be staying at her parents house , again i was gob smacked ,what had happened?? .leading up to this time we had been talking about money and how she wanted a house to feel secure (she's renting at the moment)However i am in a bit of debt and would have to save up for a number of years to put money down on a mortgage ,so we sorted everything out and she was happy but was saying i dont know if i can wait that long So as it stands now this is the first day of the 2 weeks apart ,she said that its only two weeks and i will be back with you and be happy again,and we will re-arrange our trip to amsterdam our second proper holiday for november because her husband is going to Prague with his dad so its easy for her to go away. we spoke on the phone this morning 15/10/07 and she said she would meet me in the afternoon and ring me after she had had a sleep and been out with her mother ,i am thinking about ringing her very soon to see whats going on At the moment i feel very sick to the stomache about losing her ,she is my life and i love her more than anything in this world! i would die for her! I honestly do not think i could carry on without her ,the girl of my dreams .I know i cannot move on she is the only girl i will ever love , i just dont know wot to do , i am thinking all sorts of bad things if she does call it a day ,and to be honest i don't realy care,cause the rest of my life is ruined its scaring me :-( thanks for listening any way boys and girls. any advice would be most appreciated at this sad/dark moment in my life ,thanks againdavid
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male
reader, jumpman23 +, writes (17 October 2007):
jumpman23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much for your recent answer , well here is an update for all ove you , i got a text in work about an hour ago saying 'if you can phone me later plz i want to see you tb'
so i will ring her in about 10 mins and find out wots on her mind when i see her, i kinda am preparing for the worst but i know i will take it so very very hard
ive got a feeling tonight is going to be the worst point in my life so far and prob ever cause i thaught she was my sole mate :-(
thanks once again for reading and replying everyone it means alot ,your all very kind
David
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 Hello David
I dont think you should beat yourself down like this your life is not ruined you still have a lot to hope for but you will need to be strong and content to overcome a situation like this all love triangles are hard to crack. This girl is going through a lot of difficulties but somehow I kinda feel she is not being fully honest with you. She keeps saying you are the one she wants yet she keeps going back and forth creating more confusion for both of you. Her husband doesnt seem to mind where she was the whole three months she was with you? its like he is just silence in the background waiting for her to make a decision but unfortunately she cant make up her mind.
If she is really sure that she wants to be with u, she would have made a decision by now, she is an adult she cant keep sleeping with different men having affairs behind her husband's back and hope not to get stressed.
question for u have u checked her background? are u sure what she is telling is all there is to this story? You are getting yourself too involved too soon, try to take things slow, during this two weeks away from her try to find yourself, reevaluate this relationship and keep asking yourself why u need this woman in your life 5times if you really do get satisfactory unique answers well you can keep her but with an open mind that she might never be with u forever as she keep telling you. she is still married and the two weeks she is taking off is not to finalise her divorce is to clear her mind for what if she knows what she wants is you?
I am sorry if I sound negative but I want you to realise that matters of the heart sometimes are not that jolly good as perceived so sometimes u need to follow your head if the road to the heart looks dark, scary and confusing because if u choose to ignore it you might be really ruined like u said.
Dedicate this two weeks to yourself do things you havent done in a long time, visit family and friends you havent see in a long time, in order to give urself a new perspective.
Jovila
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A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 First of all, and you want me to be honest with you..you should have never went out with her from the beginning, she is married. If it's that bad at home, why has she not already left? Why is it still dragging on? She either wants to work it out with her husband and/or she has you for her "fall guy". And you come to rescue her everytime she "needs" you. She already admitted she had 2 affairs before you. I am not saying you are not a special, wonderful man, but, you got mixed up with a married woman and you shouldn't have. Let her be....tell her when she divorces that you would love for her to call you and see each other then, but for now, I wish I could say it will work. But IF it was to work, you need to let her go....let her get out of the situation she is in without you being in it. That will only be more harm and hurt for everyone.
For anyone in a situation like this, it's wrong...you know it and I know it. If it was meant to be, it will happen. You can't push her to get out, she has to want to do that on her own and it doesn't sound as if she is doing it....I hate to say it, but I think she is using you. You are blinded because you are so "in to her"....and she responded, but she responed because she hates life at home. But if she really hated life at home, she'd be out of it. I'm not sure what he doesn't treat her "right" mean...does he hit her or what? Constant arguing maybe? That's lack of communication on their part. I know you want me to say...what you want me to say, but I can't. I can't because I feel as if she is taking you for a ride and you can't see it. The only way you will know....leave her alone and tell her that she needs to decide what she wants to do....and like NIKE says, just do it.
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A
male
reader, jumpman23 +, writes (15 October 2007):
jumpman23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks you 2 :-) realy appriciated that you have replied , i will keep you updated on the situation , in the mean time anybody else feel free to throw in your 2cents
thanks again
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A
female
reader, angelblueeyes +, writes (15 October 2007):
 Hi
I know how the g/f must be feeling cause i have been in the same situation,(i know every situation is different) weather she will come back to you only she knows that, but your g/f and hubby share a child and they are still married so it's hard for her right now i know you love her but give her time, if your the one she wants to be with she will come back to you, don't rush her else you will just push her back to the confused state that she is in at the minute.
you seem like a smart guy your life is far from over people go thro break ups on a daily basis and manage to bouce back, keep smiling and i hope it all works out for you x
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A
male
reader, jumpman23 +, writes (15 October 2007):
jumpman23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni forgot to add that prior to me meeting her at work , in the year before i met her she had slept with two different people behind her husbands back due to the fact she was unhappy and he could not treat her right ,,,, i feel like she knows exactily what she wants , to be with me forever, but i think she is to scared to make it known!
she is scared of telling the husband that she loves him still but cannot be with him as she does not feel like that any more , and i think she is obviousily scared about the situation with the baby ,
As she has been told though by a few people when shes talked about the subject to them is END OF THE DAY YOU HAVE GOT TO DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY , and she has said that person is me that makes her happy :-)
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (15 October 2007):
 Hi,
What a pickle your both in. She is obviously torn because of her child, and this is normal. The thing I dont get is why the child didnt come with her as well, then maybe she wouldnt have gone back.
The only advice I can offer is to give her space, and no matter how hard it is, dont contact her. If she loves you that much she will come back.
I have been with a guy like that and its very hard to break away. You keep giving them chance after chance and hope that it will get better, each time knowing you are setting yourself up for disapointment.
If she knows you are not going to put up with this forever, it will push her, into at least making a decision, one way or the other.
Your life is not ruined and you can do something about it, but you need to have the guts to leave her alone.
Easy for me to say, you are thinking. No!! this worked on me.XXXX
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