A
female
age
30-35,
*ikaela911
writes:I have a boyfriend of three years. A little bit more than that. I used to be basically obsessed with him because it took me a while to get serious with him because of other girls. He hasnt touched another girl for three years so that's all fine... anyways I used to wish that he loved me more than I love him instead so I wouldn't feel so... creepy? And it's finally happened and I am unhappy now. I only see him once a week becuase he's at school (college) and i'm not... he lives 40 minutes away. I am unhappy because I get annoyed with him. I end up rolling my eyes (he can't see) at a lot of thigns he says. But.... I'm just tired of him in general. I can't think of why I love him or why i'm with him. I never thought this would happen. Sometimes I get bursts of love when I want to call him and say how much i love him but right before he answers it goes away... I really want to stay in this relationship sooo bad. I feel like I am breaking my own heart. I just want peopel to tell me they've felt this way and that it will go away.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, traycee!  +, writes (5 January 2010):
Yoy really can make this go away if you really want to. It seems a classic case of wanting what you don't thik you can have, it's unfortunately a common factor we humans often play out. Now you have it you seem to feel the chase is over and you're telling yourself there is no excitement or thrill and you must now examine why you are doing this. If it is true love then this will stand the test of time. Does your bf kno you feel this way? If he walked in tomorrow and said he had met someone else would this again rekindle the thrill you seem to seek? the reality is you often have to work at things and that can seem a pain, but when it's yourself placing the problems in your path by perhaps thinking too much, they will seem so much harder to solve. does your bf feel like this? maybe he has came to the same sticking point.I've been where you are lots of times and the problem I concluded was with myself. Try sort that first and you may realise that walking away from this is not the end of the world, it could mean a fresh new start to go forward and seek more excitement elsewhere, or you may look close and see it's perhaps you'r lack of enthusiasum and needless worrying that are stopping this relationship moving forward into a new and even more exciting phase. good luck.
A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (26 February 2008):
Hi,
Perhaps it is not that your love has faded but that it has just changed. Most people do not think of love as living thing. But if you stop to think about it we talk about love being kept alive, of needing feeding, and various other metaphors.
Now if you think of love as being something that is alive then it is also easier to accept that it can change just as all other living things change during their life. So maybe the way you feel your love for him now is not the same as it used to be. That does not mean that it has faded, just that it has changed. Perhaps you are entering a new phase of your relationship where your love is supposed to feel different. If so then this could be an exciting time for your to explore how you really feel and to understand the extent of your love now?
Just try thinking of things froma different point of view and you may find that your anxiety will fade as you realise how much you still love him, just in a more mature way.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, mikaela911 +, writes (26 February 2008):
mikaela911 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat is exactly how I feel! I thought I was the only one too, but I can't send you this in a message because youre anonymous. It also kills me when people say to break up with him, because I don't want to, we have been through so much and I shouldn't break up with someone because i'm not obsessed with him like I was before. Please let me know if you get this
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Hi I was on this site because I'm feeling a bit like that right now, me and my bf of 10 months have had a rocky couple of weeks where I thought I was going to lose him, as right at teh beginning of our relationship I cheated on him and now I'm too in love with him not to tell him. But now he's forgiven me and we are ok, I have spent the last few days feeling low and not knowing if I really want to be with him. Is this how you are feeling? Like you're totally, totally in love with him and you never want to break up, but at the same time you just don't feel as strongly as you used to, as if now you're secure and he loves you so much you are almost so afraid of hurting him that you feel trapped? I don't want to break up with him I just want this feeling to go away... if this is how you feel please let me know. We are in a long distance relationship and only see eachother everyone week as well... maybe that's also a part of why we feel like this? I thought I was the only one...
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A
female
reader, mikaela911 +, writes (21 February 2008):
mikaela911 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really don't know why i'm feeling this way. If he was the one dumping me I would be completly heartbroken. If I break up with him we would both be, and we both have put so much work into this relationship and he really loves me for me and if I was happy once can't I be happy again?
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (21 February 2008):
Hi,
I guess you are finding out what many others have learned, that when you are young not all relationships are forever even though you want them to be.
Of course in some cases they are and in others not. You really need to assess the reasons why you feel the way you do and if there is anything you can do to either improve or end the relationship depending on how you feel. At your age it is normal to grow apart (happens at other ages too so don't feel singled out). Women mature emotionally faster than men and sometimes guys never catch up ;-) so maybe you are now feeling that you have grown past him and that perhaps you even feel he is holding you back in some way. Of course these thoughts and feelings could be so fleeting and quick that you are not aware of them at a conscious level.
What you do need to do is analyse yourself and the relationship until you boil it down to some questions you really need to talk about, then when you have a chance to sit down face to face with him, talk about it. Please don't decide that it is over without at least having a reasonable discussion with him that deals with some specific points. That would not be fair as he is half of this relationship also. You may be surprised and find that perhaps some of the things he does or doesn't do that annoy you in some way, are things he is happy and able to change. Often it is this communication about difficult and sensitive subjects that will make or break a relationship and I think that many long term relationships of 50 years or more that started as childhood sweethearts, lasted so long because the couple mastered the art of communication for them.
Yes it might be over, but it might not be. You have some work and honest self analysis to do in order to figure it out. Make sure too that you do n ot complicate matters by getting involved with someone else. Close one door before going through another.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 February 2008):
 It could be that you have come to this part of the journey where the land is arid and the winds are blowing intermittently.
The next phase maybe better....
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