A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy at college when I was 19, we were each others first relationship and we continued to date on-off for 4 years. It became apparent after about a year that his cultural/religious background would not allow us to remain together and that he would go on to get married approved and selected/arranged by his parents. Well we went back and forth, I guess now in hindsight he was too weak to let go and I thought maybe as he grew older he'd be courageous enough to not let me go. well one day, something changed and soon after we broke up for the final time I met someone that took my mind away from the problem and I left things knowing that enough was enough and that he had no commitment in mind. Eventually he got in touch after 8 months, he had got in touch with me some months earlier sending me good wishes and had contacted me 2 months after things ended but at that time I was not ready to talk. Well we continued to argue, he became jealous of my relationship at the time, asked for me back, apologised, but alternating between nice and mean. Well one day we had an arguement and we stopped talking for the next 6 months. At which point I started to get texts which I did not respond to and then calls from unknown numbers,maybe every other week/monthly for the next 4 months. I found out from a friend he had got married (I assumed that was why he had been calling). I called him and wished him congratulations (afterall he had been my friend for so long). We met up for lunch not long after, and a few times thereafter. He tells me his wife and him are having a baby. In the time apart I've pusueed a career. I'm a happy person but this guy is determined in his ways to upset me. Why does he pursue some sort of friendship with me only to hurt me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): I guess I am upset because he chose to be with someone else that his parents deemed suitable for him and by doing so completing rejecting me (although over time I feel content enough to realise I am better off without him).He is married with a baby on the way, and for some reason he feels that he still doesn't have the upper hand and needs to tell me about the fact that he's settled down as well.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (1 April 2011):
I have been through the process of having a long term relationship, breaking up, and after a time reconnecting as friends and having a very close loving friendship. In my experience, that is the exception to the rule, many people will go so far as to say it can't successfully be done, or that it is very unilkely. You need to decide if you really want to be friends with him, if he is worth it, if you are both capable of transforming your previous relationship into a loving friendship, and what you need from him in order for you guys to be friends. The problem for this post is that you don't say what you are upset about, or what it is that he does which you find upsetting. I guess if you can tell him what upsets you and what you don't like, that would be a good place to start working out a friendship. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, coolbeans +, writes (1 April 2011):
 Well, whatever his intentions are I can almost guarantee his betrothed wife is not aware that he is meeting up for lunch with his ex-lover. Sometimes technology is such a hindrance. Sometimes it's best to move on and leave people in the past without knowing what became of them. Sometimes a nice memory of your ex-lover is better than a roller-coaster friendship causing unecessary stress and hurt.Let him go. But really this time.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 April 2011):
 He enjoys having some sort of control over you. It sounds like he enjoys knowing that he can still control the way you feel. You need to stop responding. Block his number, block him, never contact him again, especially if he contacts you. Never respond.
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