A
male
age
41-50,
*ack79
writes:7 months ago I had an affair, I got caught up with another woman thinking that she "was the one" during the affair I was verbally abusive and blaming my wife for everything. The reason for the affair was because we both stopped tending to each other needs and was staying at my mom n laws while our house was being built. We've both have been going to counseling individually but seeing the same counselor. About a month or two ago I've been enlightened on my behavior and past pain issues from being hurt from family and close friends when i was a kid and lots of bad learned behaviors that i picked up watching my dad verbally abuse us and my mom have been working hard to change my ways becoming more self aware of my thoughts anger. I accept full responsibility for all that I have done and in no way blame anyone else for my actions.At the beginning of the month I met my wife for coffee and we still couldn't communicate well as there is resentment and hurt as she should be. I told her I'm willing to do anything to reconcile in the future because I still loved her, she said she wasn't in love with me anymore and said things would definitely have to change which i totally agree as she's a lot stronger and have been alone for 6 months. I still have things at the new house and she hasn't told me to come get them yet and money tide up in the mortgage.I'm currently still in counseling and will be starting an all day anger management workshop on the 16th of April. She's going to let me see our dog in a couple weeks but still hasn't said much to me about us, she said she needs time and I'm trying to give her that but I know if we don't end up working on us then there isn't a chance to reconcile. We both have falling out of love to a point,but I believe that passion and love can be rekindled. My question is do you think there is hope or is it hopeless for a 2nd try to make our relationship stronger with acceptance and trust and understanding?I know I have a lot of work to do to get her to trust me again, but I miss her so much, my happiest moments were the little things I took for granted. Only good thing is either way I will come out a better man, but I hope we can have a fresh start at a new relationship.
View related questions:
affair, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, coolbeans  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 Sometimes it is too late for a second chance. What people don't realize about emotional abuse is that it tears apart one's soul. It's more than just "falling out of love with you" at this point. It's about her regaining herself and all she lost from your abuse. I think you should give her some space and if she desires to give you another chance in the future, then let it be on her terms. Sounds like you have a lot to focus on anyway so what is the big rush to get back together? You are afraid of losing her forever...well you already made that choice with your affair and abuse. Now you will be lucky if she decides to give you a second chance. She doesn't owe you anything simply because you miss her. Give her time and space, and work on yourself in the meantime.
|
