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anonymous
writes:my not really a boyfriend more of a lover type guy is very sweet and attentive. it's a long distance relationship. he comes to see me on average every 5 weeks from late friday night to early sunday morning. we always have a great time (i know i do, i'm guessing he does). he pays for everything, even tho i offer to cover my half, he gets upset (annoyed) if i push the issue. i would really like to visit him in his home town. but he refuses; his excuse is always *my family*(he's not married, he means his 'rents/sibs/etc.)*or your city is exciting or i won't be able to spend the night with you, because my family will wonder where i am* it's a blow to my ego, cos naturally i think he's not that attracted to me, and is basically using me for sex, as i've told him i make it my mission to fulfill his every fantasy. i should mention he is in his upper twenties. and he lives at home with parents. the living w/parents doesn't freak me out (should it?) bcos i have lots of friends living at home for various reasons. what should i do? i don't want to nag, because it seems to push him away if i'm constantly asking, "can i please visit you?" and yet i want to know where this is headed. will i always just be a booty call? will he ever want more from me? arrgghh deep down, i already know the answer but i would like some input from a few cupids.i have my own place; but bcos i'm suspicious of his behavior re: his reluctance to allow me to travel to his city. i won't allow him to spend the night at my place. i feel i've already shown my devotion, affection and commitment to our unconventional relationship. i would like him to do the same...or at least be honest with me. My lov
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks cupids, you are very kind to reply. i realize in this relationship there is only so many times i can hold out hand, turn it palm up, & slap it against my forehead. it's a trust issue, i want him to trust me not to spy on him- i wanted to trust that he's not married/attached &/or oddish in a creepy bad way. i have debated many times on showing up (not at his door-- just in town) & even sending a close friend to check it out, but i can't do it cos i could never tell anyone of my close friends i'm sleeping w/a weird guy!!! ok, to his credit he was never weird when we were together, and i'll honestly say he's a great lover with amazing skills. next time, i want something more & definitely different. its a big ouch, but i've set him free to please others. i will focus on nice normal men with a few quirks i can understand. thanks again =)
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Verdict: he's married and not telling the truth. Or has a steady girfriend. I hope I'm wrong.
I suggest you tell him that you just happen to have plans to be in his town anyway (think up a good excuse) and then get him to give you his address and just plan on dropping by.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Definitely fishy. Why don't you just drop in on him one weekend and see what happens. Yep I think a surprise visit is just the ticket. Let us know what happens.
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male
reader, Thomas17  +, writes (14 November 2006):
 hmm.. i might know the cause.. when you said "mission" was it your idea, or was it his?
if it was his, then he would be just using you, but you still trust him.
if it was yours, and he accepted, it means you trust him and are certain that he is the one.
well, thats the way i see it.. but its strange that he dosent want you to come to his city. why not surprise him one day, and see his reaction?
no offense though.. im speaking my views on this.
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female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Find out by your own means maybe he has another relaionship or is married
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female
reader, thenabear +, writes (14 November 2006):
 wow.you have a man with the classic peter pan syndrome. you poor thing. It sounds to me like the reason this man is avoiding a deeper commitment with you is because he isn,t ready to leave the nest. Most men have a really hard time growing up and dealing with responsibility. You have to be strong. If this is not what you want then it is not what you want. Your needs and dreams and wishes must be taken into account as well. If he loves you as much as you think he does then he will not risk losing you. Stand up to him and let him know word for word how you feel and what you want and stick with it. Men are replacable your self worth is not.
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reader, tux +, writes (14 November 2006):
 I have my doubts that he is telling the truth about his living conditions. To me there's a big gaping hole in what he is saying. He is saying that if you go up there that his family will wonder where he is at.... but where does his ffamily think he's at when he comes down and sees you? I would be cautious because he may not want you to come to see him in his city because he has a girl there that he doesn't want you to run into.
The whole living with his parents is a moot point and well if he was then it shouldn't matter, what should matter is why you cant go visit him.. if asking him if you could visit him is pushing him away than it's best for you to move on and forget about him. If I wanted to be in a relationship, I would love to have her to come visit me as well as me visiting her. but well for all I know what he could be saying is true, but well the flags for me are waving otherwise.
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