A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is for all you single/married ladies an gents out here. What would you consider cheating? I have a b/f, that lives abroad and he has recently told me that he has many female friends online. He says hes not the jealous type, i told him i am. So is this cheating? I dont know what hes saying to these other girls but i have a real problem with it. I dont want to sound like a controlling woman and besides if i asked him to stop talkn to so many women online, how would i know if hes tellin truth? He could easily say hes stoped talkn to them but i'd have no clue if he really has. Please dont tell me that if im questioning it then it has to be wrong, cuz i question everything.
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jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): well there are 2 main issues first the fact that he just told you recently ,didn't he know before that you weren't ok with him talking to girls online ? didn't he know your boundries ? also if you asked him not to talk with girls and then he did then this is totally counted as cheating because this will be behind your back. secound is integrity,you should ask your self if you really trust him ?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): I'VE RECENTLY ENTERED INTO A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP, WE CHAT ONLINE MOSTLY AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HE IS THE FAITHFUL TYPE I'VE ALSO WONDERED IF HE MAY BE CHATTING TO OTHER WOMEN. I KNOW HE IS BUT I TRUST HIM AND KNOW THAT IF HE'S INTERESTED IN SOMEONE ELSE HE'LL OPEN UP AND TELL ME. MY ADVICE TO YOU IS, DON'T GET SUSPICIOUS FOR NO REASON, IF YOU DISCOVER THAT HE IS BEING UNFAITHFUL THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, I TOO AM THE JEALOUS TYPE AND IT'S NOT A BED OF ROSES BEING APART AS WELL.YOUR MIND HAS A TENDENCY TO MAKE UP THINGS THAT ARENT THERE, YES HE CHATS TO OTHER WOMEN BUT THAT DON'T MEAN HE'LL CHEAT ON YOU.GOOD LUCK AND DON'T WORRY IF IT'S MEANT TO BE YOU'LL BE WITH HIM IF NOT THEN IT'S A GOOD THING YOU FOUND OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.IT'S NOT CHEATING UNTIL YOU HAVE PROOF AND YOU DON'T SO DON'T ACCUSE HIM OR LET ON THAT YOU'RE SUSPICIOUS OR YOU MIGHT LOSE HIM!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): Like dragonette says, long distance relationship's must have that level of trust whereby you aren't second-guessing your partner all the time. Half my friends are women and I don't know how I would respond if a girlfriend was to tell me to stop talking to them, I would think that was excessively insecure, unnecessary and I'd feel like it was really an unfair thing to ask. If she went further and accused me of it being cheating then I think that would be the end of the relationship, I couldn't be with someone that had no trust in me.
I may be wrong but it seems like you have trust issues with relationships and in answer to your question about ever knowing if your partner is telling the truth - someone who trusts another doesn't ask that kind of question; they don't need to. When you are with someone you trust what they say, there is no other answer if you want to be in a comfortable relationship. Without trust, you're left doubting yourself and the other person, and what kind of relationship is that?
You haven't written anything that would make me think that your boyfriend has done anything wrong, so maybe this is an issue you are going to have to sort out by yourself?
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (23 April 2007):
 I was in a long distance relationship for a few years and I know that it requires even more trust than a "normal" relationship as you are not always aware of where the other person is and there is no way to verify what he has been doing. Little doubts like these can really eat at your soul then.
I think that if your boyfriend was talking about naughty things with his online female friends, he would probably not have told you about having female friends online.
I don't think you would want to stop him from talking to his friends. You can ask him what he talks to you about and tell him that you don't mind as long as he doesn't flirt with them, or somkething like that.
As for what I would consider cheating when it comes to chat friends, it's a bit hard to define, but if I had ever caught my boyfriend talking to another girl about how he thinks she's pretty (in a flirty way), asking to see images of her in skimpy clothes, or something like that; I would consider it cheating.
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