A
female
age
30-35,
*ubbloo24
writes:We're in love with each other but we can't be together...Me and my boyfriend Alex* split up this week.The reason we split up - he couldn't literally cope with the stress of work as well as the relationship.I told him that if he didn't love me anymore, then he should look me in the eye and tell me and I would back off completely. He looked me in the eye and said "I love you but I just can't cope with having a relationship." He then started crying. I know this isn't what he wants... he told me that he wanted everything to be right but with work, he couldn't deal with a relationship right now. But after we had finished the conversation, he kept trying to kiss me.I can't cope. I love him so much but he's not prepared to try and make things work... we knew it would be hard, but I know there's some sort of way through this, but I don't know what it is.Any help? My friend said he'd talk to him about it.. but I'm not sure if that is a good idea because if this really is what Alex wants... I know he won't change his mind. I tried to tell Alex that this isn't the way through as we both love each other and it would cause more pain. I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, bubbloo24 +, writes (24 April 2007):
bubbloo24 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for all your help. It's very much appreciated.
I've decided to take your advice - leave him to it and see what happens. I will only talk to him when I need to and if he does change his mind, he will have to try because HE gave up on me and I'm not prepared to jump back into his arms when he clicks his fingers.
If he doesn't try to take me back then I will have already made steps to moving on - by keeping away from him.
If he misses me and wants me back... then he'll have to work on it.
What ever he decides, this is the choice I have made.
Thank you so much :)
xx
A
male
reader, lupa-k  +, writes (23 April 2007):
What is it particularly about work that makes him feel that he can't be with you? Surely if things are that bad, the emotional support that you could assist him with would be a very good outlet for him. It seems to me like there is something underlying here and that he hasnt been 100% honest, and is hiding behind the 'stresses of work'.I know its not easy, but all I can say here is walk away. I think to stay with him while he's that emotional will merely do you harm and lead to a relationship that is not productive for either of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): walk away. it's the best you can do. you don't have to get over him immediately. if he really does still love you, it may be that after some time getting his life at work together, he will come looking for you again. but you can't count on that, and trust me, you can't stay in this now. not after he says something like that. because what you'd be left with was a relationship where you were doing the trying for two, and that's a terrible habit for a relationship to take on. walk away and see what happens. he may not call you at all. he may call you in a few days and say he was an idiot and giving you up was the worst mistake of his life. most likely, he will call you just to say hi, but he'll be as unsure then as he sounds now, if not about you, than about what he can handle. but if he can't handle a relationship with you, then that's that - give him what he needs, even if its hard for both of you, which is space. until he is 100% sure that he can handle both, either b/c he realizes he was an idiot, or b/c circumstances have changed, you need to interact with him always at arms length, as someone you used to date, and that's it. you can tell him all of that once, if you'd like, but not repeatedly. best of luck. i've been in your situation before, and it worked out eventually, but i wish i'd done a better job of keeping the space while he sorted through things; i think it would have made our relationhsip later a lot easier.
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