A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have a problem and I need some advice. Ok so usually when me and my boyfriend wanna have sex it takes so long for me to come so he usually goes down on me and at the same time fingers me and that alone usually makes me come after a little while and after I come we start having sex so I can make him come and it also feels good for me too, but like I said sometimes its so hard for me to come even when I don't think about it too much and enjoy the moment and I feel soo bad because I see how hard he works just to get me to my peak point and he usually tells me " ahh babe I'm sorry my hand is starting to hurt I'm gettin tired" so it then makes me very frustrated with my body I hate making him feel lie that :( so tonight I wanted to switch things up a bit so he wouldn't get so worn out, so just a little while ago he was normally going down and fingering me and this went on for about 20 mins and I could see him slowing down so I slid back opened my dresser drawer and pulled out my dildo and started using just to give him a break and to help me reach my peak faster. he then laid on the bed, watched me and had this annoyed look on his face then he got up and started getting dressed so I then asked him what was wrong and what he was doing and he said to me "that was the biggest ego shatter for me" he totally took this the wrong way thinking that I prefer my toy over him to finish but I tried telling hin that I just didn't want him to wear himself out and not enjoy of also but he kept thinking the way he did and felt terrible about it asking me how would you feel If right in the middle of us having sex I just started jacking off?? Omg I don't know what to do I even threw my toy in the trash can just so of doesn't have to be in my house anymore I want my boyfriend to have his confidence back he's doing great couldn't do better but now he's out of the mood to do anything anymore and we both feel terrible so if anyone can help with some advice it will be greatly appreciated please and thank you
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a break, confidence, dildo, fingering Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): Oh man, that really sucks. I totally understand what you are saying and you described this so well. The only solution I can offer you is to really talk about this with him and explain that you understand how he feels and you can appreciate where he is coming from, but at that moment, never did it enter your mind that the dildo was better then him and you were only thinking of him because of how long it was taking, and usually does. Tell him how much you enjoy being with him and how much you love when he does this, and does that. Tell him you are only frustrated in yourself, and it's not anything he is doing or not doing, though, right now he's probably not going to believe it because he is crushed.Most women do not orgasm during intercourse, and this is hard for men to understand because they have a skewed visual from other sources that are far from realistic. And perhaps he is aware of this because he does take the time to please you first, which is awesome by the way, because he loves you and wants to do this for you. I would have suggested your boyfriend be a part of the dildo for variety and he use it on you along with oral and in addition to his fingers, but right now that may not go over so well. But if you talk about it and ask him if he would like to do that so he doesn't get tired, the worse he could say is no I suppose.One thing that stood out to me...seems you also might be getting too much into a routine of how sex goes with the two of you. Maybe orgasm will come faster sometimes if it's at different times? Like one time he pleases you first, another time mid way, or after he has orgasmed.Hopefully with a lot of reassurance and a lot of communication the two of you can work through this. It may be awkward for a while, but it should pass. Hopefully it will pass. Man, what a sensitive issue. I really feel for you girl...
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (17 April 2013):
 Lol hes a drama queen. If that were me I would have embraced ;).. U didnt shatter anything its his issue. He doesnt have enuff self confidence to say to himself im a good lover n doing the best I can. The dildo was a great idea n for many reasons. If he doesnt accept ur explanation n reassurance he is insecure n that should b a flag to u.
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A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (17 April 2013):
 I totally understand how he could be insulted by this, but also your situation as a caring partner!
What I would do in this situation is give him some time to simmer down then either talk one on one with him and explain things calmly or you could write him a letter, that way you can explain your position without emotions or interruptions stopping you from saying what you want to say. Unfortunately though this means you have to be very careful with your wording and how it may come across. This is one of those issues that can only be fixed through communication and reassurance and love.
Give us some feedback when you guys have talked, I really hope he understands xo good luck!
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