A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Friendship problem. I m friends with my girlfriend for many many years in fact we went to grade school together, and since then were inseparable.Our lives turned out to be very different. We are both 37. We both equally pretty, we both graduated from college. But that's about it that is similar. We had couple crazy years when we started college, but for me it ended very fast as I met my future husband couple years into college, and when I graduated I was already married and pregnant. She kept on dating and dating. She hardly ever dated anyone more that couple of months. Also guys that she dated were kind of crazy. I don't know where she managed to find them.As an example one was hypochondriac, another was gambler, and she was stupid enough to loan him money, at the end she was out of 12k. Another became her friend on a Facebook, and ended up spilling all about her on Facebook. One more was harassing her, waiting for her at her house, and then one day he came with a gun, and she called police. It was even on local news. As you can see, she kind of attracts guys like that.But she ended up never getting married. I had my daughter, and my friend was very affectionate to her from childhood. Now my daughter is a teen, and she doesn't particularly favours my friend. She actually thinks that she is crazy. That's what she told me.My friends still lives with her mother, but the worst part is that I think she kind of gave up on herself. For the past few years she has no sex at all, she doesn't date anymore. We were out with her, and this really cute guy gave her his phone number. She didn't even call him, she said, ah, they all the same. She can't keep her job anywhere. She just got fired again. Basically, she doesn't work at all. She doesn't read, doesn't go to GYM, she used to like to cook, but now since they moved to a beach apartment , and kitchen is tiny, she even stopped doing that. She doesn't take any classes, doesn't travel. She has no friends but me. I just want to mention that her family is very well off. She actually doesn't really needs to work for living. I m very busy. I help my husband with his business and also have a very small business of my own, that is more like a hobby, but I love it.I take different classes, work out regularly, travel,plus I have my family to take care of. Our lives are so different now. I still enjoy spending time with her, but lately something shifted.Why I m writing this, is because we had a trip for my friends bachelorette party. I took her with me. And , was I sorry. She didn't know anyone there, one minute she was clinging to me, next she would dissapear and no one could find her. We went clothes shopping with another girl, and we all had lots of fun trying on different clothes. We had wine at the store, so we were a little tipsy and giggling a lot. We ended up buying lots of things, and we were very happy. She doesn't drink at all. She bought nothing. And after all, at night she told me that we embarrassed her by our behavior. At first I thought she was joking, but no, she was quite serious. There was a lot of drinking going on, true. But none of us have problem with alcohol. It's just this was our time without boys and we wanted to have some fun. I don't know! may be becaus she doesn't drink, she was constantly mad at us.Well, to finish up, I really don't want to see her that much any longer. She has became a burden to me. I feel awful because we were friends our whole lives, and she has no one, I mean no one, but her mother. If it was not for me she wouldn't socialize at all. She does acts strange lately. She is much more silent and sarcastic than she was before. I don't what to do. Any advices?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): Thank you for your responses. She contacts me , i contact her, it's more like a habit now than a reall pleasure to call her. My family is also convinced that there is something wrong with her. My husband even named one disorder , I don't remember the name of it, but when people are always awkward, and laugh innapropriately, and say weird things. I grew up with her, so I don't really notice. But when my husband started to point at it everytime it happens, I now notice too. I think it became worse with age.We went to a dinner once with her and her mother, and there was this realy cute server that served us. She acted so flirty and showy that my daughter started to laugh. She acted strange at the table moving dishes around, every time our server came to out table she would keep him there for ever asking senseless questions and giggling. Then everytime she was asked if she needs another soda, she kept changing brands of soda, deciding on which to have for a long time.Then I also noticed that when we go out just me and her, every time we leave one place to go to another, she always at the very last moment says something like , o, they just started playing very nice music, may we should stay, and when I say, ok, we can stay, she goes, o, no, let's just go. It wouldn't be weird if she didn't do every single time we are out.She was not like that before. Also, my husband noticed, she asks provocative questions on which people usually ask her back:"what do you mean?", because those questions are so weird,it confuses everyone" , and always, I mean every single time she answers, o, never mind, it's not that important, making everyone even wonder more what all this was about.But it even wouldn't be that significant if she didn't become kind of mean. I think she is incredibly bored with her life, and she hardly likes or interested in anything. It's very hard to be around her.
A
female
reader, elise22  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 I get that it must be hard for you to put up with her when you're the only one she has (and clings to), and she doesn't have a life of her own when you do.
But if she's really your friend, don't give up on her yet. Try to talk to her about her life, her feelings, and try to motivate her to do something that will make her happy (take a class, find work, go out, etc.). Maybe find some activity that you can do together; that way you'll have a set time to see her, you'll get to do something for yourself and at the same time she'll be out in the world again.
If there is really no way you can help her and everytime you see her is a pain, I guess there's not much you can do but give up. I don't know if you're the one initiating contact or she is, but if she doesn't contact you, you don't have to contact her. Friendship is a two-way-street, and if she doesn't make an effort to invest in your friendship and at least be nice when you invite her out, you don't owe her anything, even if you've known her so long.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (4 March 2013):
 Well if this bachelorette party is what has made you no longer enjoy her company, then you just need to no longer bring her on trips with you. If this friendship has been a burden for quite a while, then I can see why you may want to end the friendship. The fact that she considers you her only friend shouldn't make you hesitant to end things. It's her fault that she sees you as her only friend. If she wants friends, she's going to have to get out there and make them. It may be hard for you since you've been friends for so long, but you won't be doing either of you a favor by pretending to enjoy the friendship. Make your life as easy and fun as possible, even if that includes getting away from the negativity that your friend brings in your life.
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