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My life is controlled by love, I hate it!!

Tagged as: Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 August 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 25 August 2008)
A age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi,

I'm 15 years old, i have been madly in love with somebody for almost three years, they have been the most miserable three years of my life. the Reason for this is because the love is unrequited. He/she is my best friend, we get along perfectly never argue and i couldnt ask for a better friend in the whole world, he/she doesnt know that i love them, nobody does. About 90% of my day is thinkin about he/she. The three years of my life have been horrible because ive had to witness so much, the person kissing and having relationships with other people and other stuff young teens do. everytime the person gets involved with anyone else i feel sick immediatley and have to stop everything im doing run to somewhere alone and breakdown and cry. my life is controlled by this love, i hate it, i have everything i would have ever wanted at this age, apart from this, i would give any thing to wake up in the morning and not feel like this, it is controlling my life and stopping me being the person i want to be. it would be impossible to tell the person that i love them for reasons i dont want to say. Please can i have some advice on what to do and anyway to try and forget about he/she??

View related questions: best friend, kissing

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A female reader, zaybaby120 United States +, writes (25 August 2008):

i totally understand but you should never let emotions stop you from being the person that you truly are.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008):

I was in the same position as you and i'm the same age as you. I was in love with a guy for 4 years, we got along really well and we were everything a bf and gf are without being official. Then i said i couldn't take it not being official and he said that i wasn't gf material. I was upset but it proved he didn't know me and it takes someone to say it could never happen for you to finally get over it. If you can't admit to this person that you like them, then you need to realise it will never happen. No ifs or maybes in the back of your mind just admit it will never happen and move on. It won't be easy and you could try and be less in contact with this person. Even if its the last thing on your mind try and find someone else or at least like someone else. If you don't like your life how it is try and change it in the ways you can that will make you happier. Think about the possitives in your mind and forget the neagtives. Whenever you think about he/she just push them to the back of your mind and focus on something else (you could take up a new hobby or get stuck into your school work - i did both and it does help).

This didn't work for me but a friend told me to do it. Wear an elastic band on your wrist and everytime you think of the person ping it hard so it hurts a bit (just a bit, i'm not saying you should start physically harming yourself) and let the pain take your mind of that person.

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A female reader, x..BabyGirl..x United Kingdom +, writes (24 August 2008):

x..BabyGirl..x agony auntYou could try seeing if he/she feels the same and if they do try and pursue it. If they don't find something to distract you.

You could get another hobby maybe; just something to take your mind off he/she's existance.

I don't think you should try and forget this love because they might feel the same way about you. Talk to them and tell them how you feel but try not to sound creepy and stalkerish. Tell this person gently and they may confide that they like you too.

You sound like a really nice genuine guy and I honestly can't see what a person wouldn't like in you. Most people like it if a potential boyfriend is sensitive so by you not being afraid to show your emotions you could be well in there ;] Good luck. Tell me how it goes. x

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A male reader, Phsyciatrist-to-be United Kingdom +, writes (24 August 2008):

Phsyciatrist-to-be agony auntI am in the exact same position now: it's horrible. Cant stop thinking about her, cant stop loving her, cant be with her: I know how you feel.

There is no way I know of to make yourself stop loving someone: it's such a strong emotion that you may well just have to let it run it's course.

Perhaps the recommended course of action would be to find another person you like and that you're friends with, and work on that relationship. But what I personally do is try and spend as much time with her as possible: build that relationship so that mabye, she'll notice me when she becomes available.

What you also need to remember (and perhaps telling yourself this will help) is that it might not be worth it.

This person may not be as fantastic as you see them, and/or loving them may turn out to be a mistake. It could ruin your friendship and make you feel worse in the long run.

If you're as shy as me when it comes to this sort of thing, then you might prefer the way I do it. If you're a bit more forward, I suggest you wait till they're available, then ask them yourself. But I honestly think spening loads of time with them is cruicial.

I hope this helps you out: I know how hard it is. Would it be possible if you could contact me through this site if anything big happens? You dont have to: I wont mind if you dont.

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A female reader, BrokenHeart34 United States +, writes (24 August 2008):

You sound like a young man in love! Has his person ever expressed a sexual attraction to you? This question is hard to answer unless one knows if the person you are in love with is a female or a male. If it is a male, then that would mean you are a gay male, and so I'm wondering if this other man is also gay? I would suggest seeking guidance from a teen youth counselor that understands this alternative lifestyle and could assist you with this.

If you wanted to forget about he/she, then start doing activities where this other person isn't involved. Do after school activities where this other person won't be around. Keep your mind busy with school work, with sports, with branching out and making new friends. life is tough enough at 15! Been there! Emotions run strong. Believe me, time will heal all wounds and you'll eventually find someone else. Don't dwell on this person, allow yourself to feel, but then do something to keep yourself and your time occupied with fun activities.

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