A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some help. I'm often at a loss at the beginning of relationships when and when not to open my mouth and speak up if something bothers me. I know a lot of people will say, "you should always be open with your partner, no matter what." But as a woman, I am highly emotional and I feel like if I aired every little hurt or misunderstanding, especially at the beginning, I would come off as needy and insecure. I think it's important to speak up but you should also let things go and not push your guy away with every little emotion you have. I've been dating a guy for 3 mohths and things have been going pretty well. He had a big work conference this weekend and his old workmate and friend came from out of the country and stayed with my boyfriend from Thursday to Sunday. Thurs. him and his friend went out and fri. the conference ran into the evening. I invited him to bring his friend out to a bar where me and my friends would be but he said it would be late and he didn't think his friend would want to. I was okay with that. Than sat. the conference was over in the afternoon and another old workmate came into town with her husband. They all went out to dinner and hung out at his place afterwards. I'm hurt that he didn't want to invite me to meet his friends. He never even asked me if I would like to meet them. I'm trying to look at his side which is that one: they talked a lot of work stuff I'm sure (a field I have no clue about), plus, we spent the entire last weekend together maybe he just needs a little time off. But there is a nagging feeling that he didn't want them to meet me. I should add that after only dating about a month his brother came into town and he did invite me out with them.Should I say something? Should I just let it pass? I know he is probably feeling the effects of losing some of his personal time after getting into a relationship. He mentioned to me that he is going to watch a game online today which he hasn't had time to do in "months." Also mentions missing sleep when he's with me. That's why I'm not sure if I should just kind of give him a little room and keep mum.Thanks!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): We women by nature are nesters, and want to always be around our man. However, we must provide challenge, to captivate the man's heart. It sounds like he's very comfortable with you, knowing he can have you whenever, and he knows you are crazy about him and that you'll be there after he's had his time out with the boys. Well, stir things up. Don't always be available for him. Don't show that neadiness (don't talk to him about all that touchy feely stuff - and tell him how it hurts you and blah blah), it'll just drive him away, or make him even more unappreciative. He'll be very comfortable and think (yeah, I've got her). Not a good sign. Read these books, which helped me: The Rules, and Why Men Love Bitches (bitch not in a bad sense). It basically teaches you to not be a doormat. Basically, it's just learning how to deal with men and relationships, so they love and respect you. Men will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
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