A
male
age
36-40,
*arfromhome
writes:I'm Married and have been for over a year now. In the begining it was great. Life was perfect... til she hit twenty one. Shes always been the party drinking type, but now it is worse. She works nights and I work days, but when it's the weekends, she sleeps till five at night and I'm ready for bed by ten, so she goes out with her friends ASAP. I even stayed up with her til she decided to go out and drink with her friends and left me alone. I would go but recently I realized how much of an A hole I am when I do drink. So I quit, I've got my life on track and paying bills, but she doesnt. The house was in default til recently, and her car was ready to be reposessed if I didn't do anything about it. I pay for everything else, and all she has to pay is the $500 for the house, and 250 for her car. Where is her money going? But that isnt my question. Recently I have missed my ex that I was with for three years. I left her for the party life and have regreted doing it ever since. She got married, but now is going through a divorce since her husband cheated on her. I hate seeing her go through this and it breaks my heart to see someone do that to such a sweet woman. She and I talk every now and then, with the flirting and the regret. She still insists on me calling her "Angel" My pet name for her when we were dating. I still love her and always will... what should I do? Divorce has been on my mind for months now, I'm at my wits end and all I want is peace and order to my life. Why cant we turn back the clock?
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male
reader, farfromhome +, writes (7 December 2008):
farfromhome is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your answers, but I have already talked about counseling with her and she said, "it's dead when we need it." I've explained to her to get a new job, but she likes where she works and the people she works with. She tells me it's a husbands job to support her but she never thinks about supporting me. I have made 49,000 dollars this year already and we are still in debt. Every second I am bailing her out and we have nothing in the accounts. I have talked and talked and talked til my face has turned blue. You have no idea what this has done to my health. I sleep maybe four hours a night, I eat barely, and with quiting drinking, it's making my craving worse and it's been eight months since a drink (even beer). As for the first answer? What would I change if I could turn back the clock? I would not have hurt "Angel" like I did. Even if it did end in breakup, I would have waited on getting married to my wife. I never would have moved for her and I would have obsereved her spending habbits before asking for marriage.I know marriage is hard, but it's not suppost to give you hell and grief. My father told me yesterday I need to see if this love is worth it. The way I live and how much I make, I should be going back to school and living debt free. I should not be killing myself to be the only one holding up this marriage. Its a shared part between two people, not one.
A
female
reader, paigedylan +, writes (6 December 2008):
 That's a difficult, difficult question - why can't we turn back the clock? We are the products of our decisions, and oftentimes we do regret the decisions we've made in the past. There is no reason, however why one can't look forward and repair the damage done by wrong decisions.
I suggest you and your wife go for counseling. Her drinking could be a sign of discontent, have you wondered if she is also feeling unhappy as you in this relationship? Since you've only been married for a short while, there may still be hope for both of you. She may need professional help already, and you have to support her on this.
On the other hand, if after giving the relationship enough time to grow and improve, it's still not going anywhere, I think it's unfair for both of you to stay unhappy.
I hope that you're not just seeing your ex as a temporary relief from what's wrong with your situation now, and vice versa. There is none sweeter than reviving an old flame, but there are so many issues to resolve first before the relationship becomes happier the second time around.
hope this helps..
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A
male
reader, apathyslastkiss  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 Well man, we never can turn back the clock - it's just a simple but hard fact of life. What's done is done. Even if you do go back with your ex, who's to say it will be so great? I dunno man. As bad as you feel your marriage might be, you also made a commitment to your wife, and that should not be taken lightly. Marriage is different than simply dating or being in a long term relationship - it's for life (or least it's supposed to be), and not just for up until you hit some hard times, or some of the original fun fades. Listen, life isn't glamorous. Even is you married your ex, odds are you might end up in a situation almost as bad, or worse then you are in now - the rough times are inevitable! That's actually what a marriage is about -- committing to a single woman regardless of how you two change, because of your love for one another. It is not about 'being in love' and keeping those feelings of elation of 'being in love', because those feelings fade! rather, sticking through rough times, even unfair times such as your situation, will be what turns your marriage into something wonderful, with an even deeper love for each other than you had before.
You need to talk to your wife. I'm sure you have already. You need to let her know that the way she is behaving is having a negative effect on your marriage. Be firm with her, but gentle and loving. You have married this woman, let her know that you ought to fight to keep the marriage together. Also, since your schedule's don't match up very well, make a point of scheduling time together every week - every day if possible. But try and make time for a date night every week or something. Make sure to talk, talk, talk - even if it's slow, painful talking. You can works this out, and you must try.
God bless you brother, and I hope you try this advice.
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