A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a little over three years. I lost my virginity to him when I was thirteen, but as soon as my parents found out they broke us up. Anyway I’m eighteen now, and recently my libido has gone from 100% to about 10%. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and I really want to be able to crave him like I used to. For the past few months I have just not wanted to have sex. We still have sex about three times a week but I usually just have it because he wants it. I enjoy it while it’s happening but in the beginning while he’s trying to get me to consent I am just not in the mood for any physical contact. In the past sex was all I thought about, as soon as we were alone I would jump him. Now the only reason we have sex is because he wants to. I am really struggling with this because we used to have anal sex which I really enjoy; but for the past few months we haven’t been able to have anal sex at all because in order for it to not be painful you have to be really turned on, which I’m not. I’m not sure what to do with myself… my problem has put a strain on our relationship, I’ve become increasingly unhappy with myself, and I’m terrified that if this doesn’t change our relationship will end. It’s not that he is mad that we are having less sex; our personal connection is just failing. Mentally I really want sex; not only for me, but for him too. Physically I get “wet” but there’s just not the same lust that used to be there. I’ve tried making myself feel sexy, I’ve tried watching porn, I’ve tried eating healthy, I’m just not sure what I should do. I’m scared that telling my boyfriend would make him feel bad about himself; which he shouldn’t because he is the most handsome man I have ever met. Please help.
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anal sex, in the mood, libido, lost my virginity, porn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, johncandrews986 +, writes (5 November 2012):
Dear Anonymous, could it be that that your just don’t have the hormones of a young teenager coursing through you anymore? It's not that uncommon to feel the way you do. Also many women are attracted to a person, not a body and since the personal connection is going down, maybe you dont want to connect physically. Maybe you're looking for a deeper connection and even though it's the last thing you want, maybe breaking it off is best or at least taking a break. If you were a guy, then I'd suggest reading Ageless Male supplement reviews for low testosterone issues but I think that you need to really take a step back and think about the future.
http://slideshare.net/peterbell111/ageless-male-testosterone-supplement
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 September 2012):
 Two things come to mind first:
1. As someone else mentioned, are you on the pill? You should consider switching if you are. That can just torch your libido.
2. I know you say you enjoy it while it's happening, but do you have an easy orgasm every time? If not, you should be making that your goal. That's one of the number one reasons women's libidos take a nose dive. You can try asking for more oral, using your own fingers during sex, or getting a toy for him to use on you. Whatever works for you, do it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2012):
 Are you on a new birth control or any birth control? If so it can be that the one you have is not working well for you. Also, when you two DO have sex is it satisfying? Does he take his time getting you in the mood or do you "just" grin and bear it" ? Bad sex can lead to low libido in women. Same with depression and stress.
I think you should go see your doctor, it could be your hormones are slightly out of whack.
Also is there something else in the relationship that is not going so well?
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A
female
reader, oliviaclairex  +, writes (6 September 2012):
 First of all, do not worry about it!I have phases where I'm really in the mood for months, and phases where I just can't be bothered.Are you on any form of contraceptive? Because the pill can make you libido completely go down!Now, if you are having sex with him and you don't feel turned on or up for it, I can understand that you still will because he wants to, but DON'T!!! Because, the more you do that, the more you'll view sex negitively without realising, and you won't be up for it.When you don't want to, don't! Just say you are tired, and you have lots on your mind, and can you just chill for tonight. Explain it's nothing about him!Then soon enough you should want to in your own time!:) x
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A
female
reader, chaijam  +, writes (6 September 2012):
Maybe try having a few weeks/months without sex and see if your desire grows from there.
Best of luck,
J
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2012): I would talk to your boyfriend about it. You need to be honest in all aspects of your relationship. Cuz if it keeps nagging at you, it'll come up at the most inopportune moment (like when you're getting intimate).
I'm thinking you just need to spice things up. Try some light bondage or role play. Do a strip tease or dance. Play those dorky board games that can be totally awesome at the same time. Get creative!!
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