A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating 2.5 years now! He just went on vacation with my family and I for a week and we had a blast. I've been spending more time with him and when this happens and I'm with him a lot I feel content. He is my first "real" boyfriend and I am so grateful that he is in my life. I love him SO much and to this day I wake up every morning thinking about how lucky I am to be with him. But I feel like I am missing something in the relationship and when I think about it I get sad. His parents treat me like their own and I have a great boyfriend who loves me to peices but I hurt his feelings when I tell him somethings wrong with us. He really wants to marrry him in 4 years but I don't know if I will be ready or in time feel the love needed to make him happy? I know I love him, for sure. I just don't know why I feel insecure. I really don't know what to do because I'm scared to tell him how I feel... He says I am the world to him and that if we were to separate he will lose all motivation in life. I'm the one whose helped him through a lot of his problems and he cares for me. I guess I don't want to let him down. I would ask to take a short break but I couldn't last without talking to him. I feel trapped because I can't find my true love for him? What should I do?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (6 September 2012):
 I think you are just confusing yourself, you say yourself that you love him:
"I love him SO much and to this day I wake up every morning thinking about how lucky I am to be with him."
That is your true love, there is no more love beyond that to find! I'm not sure what you are trying to find, it sounds like you are worried that you should feel more for him and you need to break to try and do this, but you wont find anything because you already love him as much as any human can possibly love another human.
If you are worried about telling him about the things that are wrong in the relationship - that simply comes with maturity and getting older. Even when you love someone with all your heart, even when you are married there are still problems in relationships. I am lucky enough to have the most wonderful boyfriend, I love him to bits and we both want to spend the rest of our lives together. However there are things about him, and our relationship, that drive me mad or make me unhappy - but we talk about these things to resolve them. He has similar issues with me, but because we are adults (I am 25 and he is 29) we sit down, talk calmly about them, apologise if one of us was wrong and work out a way to stop it happening again.
If your boyfriend gets stroppy or upset when you talk to him about something upsetting you, well he is being very immature and needs to grow up. Relationships are about communication, things are not perfect all the time and there will always be problems. The key to making relationships work is not taking breaks whenever things get a little difficult, instead it means you have to TALK TO EACH OTHER. And the other person has to LISTEN.
Sit down with your boyfriend, tell him that you are unhappy with the level of communication in your relationship at the moment and you need him to be able to take on constructive criticism rather than getting upset every time you talk about a problem. Tell him you need an adult relationship where you can discuss problems rather than getting upset with each other, and that you want to work together to communicate better whenever there are issues in the relationship.
Dont take a break, because that will confuse you even more. You love him, he makes you happy and everything is great in your relationship. There are no problems here, you love him as much as you possibly can and you will have a happy future together. Just learn to talk and remain calm when small issues arise, and you will find your relationship will improve massively.
As for the marriage thing - he is talking about 4 years time, stop worrying about something that is ages away! Of course aged 18-21 you are not ready for that, I dont think you would find any girl your age who is truly ready for marriage. Stop worrying about something that is not going to happen for a very long time, there is no point in getting worked up about it now. It would be like worrying about the pain of childhood now when you are not planning on having a baby for another 10 years - there simply is no point in panicking about something so far in the future.
When it comes to 4 years time and you start talking marriage, you can decide then if you are ready or not. You are not ready now and he is not asking you to be ready now. Stop getting so far ahead of yourself and simply enjoy the present, you have a great relationship and make each other happy - you are very lucky to have this so enjoy it and stop obsessing over tiny things.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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