A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend works in another city and is coming to stay with me for 4 weeks on his holiday. He's coming to my place because he lives with his mom and I can't go there, and also I am not going to have time off until next year.He borrowed money from me to pay for his flight and has not yet paid it back. Should he just pay me half the money back or cover the full cost of the trip himself?How are we best going to deal with expenses while he's here? Neither of us are rolling in money and I am on a tight budget.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I'm with the others. This relationship doesn't look right at all.
Am I correct in assuming that you live on your own and support yourself? His mother supports him and he still can't pay for his own transporation?
He should repay you the entire cost of the air fare. Normally if a friend or relative visited from abroad I would say you should treat them to some outtings, but in this case he should pay for his own.
Don't count on getting any of your money back. As long as you're willing to pay, he may hang around, but once you start demanding money back your relationship will start circling the bowl. You'll have a big row, probably one he instigates to avoid reimbursing you, and that will be that.
This guy is trouble.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): He should give back the whole amount he has borrowed. no question about that! I understand he will be staying at your place as a guest so you will be providing accommodation and the meals at home.So I suppose you will be expected to bear these costs and it will be a bit awkward for you to ask him to share these costs. but, but if he is a gentleman he will insist that you do the shopping together and he will insist to pay for the shopping. When going out together, it depends. If he is inviting you out then he should pay, but if you are taking him out, e.g. for site seeing or picnics, well, that is different matter, you should pay some and he should pay some, that is between you two. I hope that gives you some idea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): I already do not like how this relationship is.
I have an older brother aka parasite that is a con artist, but a low level one in that he doesn't have a job, he uses flattery on women, only goes after single moms or overweight women as they can be 'wooed aka conned'. He lives at home with our Mom and she's on old age pension and he doesn't pay a darned bill, let alone help clean up her place. He sleeps in, borrows money from my Mom (never pays its back) for pot and alcohol. He's a loser. He borrowed money from me a year ago as he had a job set up, when he said to my Mom he would stay for a month to help Mom out. Year laters he is still at my Moms and I KNOW I am not going to see a cent.
When did BF borrow money? What interest are you charging? Yes its honest to charge interest no matter, Money is business. YOu aren't married, you don't live together, so its not OUR money, its YOUR money. Being this way teaches people you aren't walked on. If they want money so bad, they can go to a bank. And if they can't, says something now doesn't it? Also, its incentive to get your money back sooner. Something should have been in writing as you have given this man way too much credit too soon.
BF stops by and he has half the air ticket to hand over. You are on a tight budget- he has to pay for half the food and expenses. Absolutely fair. Give him a heads up.
An Honest, Responsible, Adult man that is SELF RELIANT knows full well its fair and would not moan or bat an eyelash at your suggestion. In fact, most men I have dated would have paid the ticket and paid for all expenses for the three to four weeks.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 He pays for his part and you pay for yours. If he owes you money for a fare then why should he pay you back only 50 percent when this has not been agreed upon? If he borrowed the money from you then the fair thing to expect is that he pays the entire sum back, exactly the sum that he borrowed from you. Why has he not paid you back yet, was it a long time ago? Have you asked for it? How much was it that he borrowed?Never lend out money you can't afford to GIVE away. That's the golden rule. Don't lend out money to anyone unless you can part ways with that money without regret and don't need it back at any time at all. If you need your money then stick to your money. If you can't afford to pay for him then you don't, simple as that. He can't be expecting you to pay his way any more than you can expect him to pay for you, and by EXPECT I mean demand that it is so "or else" they will get bitchy with you etc. Ask him for your money back, because you need it. Also talk to him about finances so that you and him do not get misunderstandings. If you haven't talked to him about paying his way then there is no reason for why you should even think of doing it. When he's with you he pays his half or his share and you pay yours. End of discussion. If he stays with your family (and your mother and father pay the groceries, not you) he should offer to contribute to the groceries, however often it is expected that when staying in someones home you eat for free at the home. However if you are not able to pay for much, and after a discussion with your parents, it is fair to talk to him about him contributing with a set amount to groceries. However if you live on your own he can be expected to pay for 50 percent of the groceries that you and he consume while he is there. However you need to talk to him about this beforehand and not surprise him with a bill. Communicate. And get your money back. And don't lend out huge amounts of money again, not unless you are also willing to give it away and never see it again.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 This is between the two of you. Finances are a critical aspect of any relationship.
He lives with his mom. Is he working? where is his money going?
4 weeks and dealing with expenses needs to be worked out BEFORE the event or there will be disagreements and resentments.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2011):
 This is something the two of you need to figure out. I f you want him to pay half, then tell him, don't just assume that he will do so.
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A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (6 December 2011):
 you really should have had this discussion before lending him the money.Does he know it was a loan? or could he be thinking it was his christmas gift?IF you made it clear that it was a loan, then I would talk to him sooner rather than later to arrange how and when it will be paid back.As for expenses - He will be a guest in your house, so I do think you need to cover the lions share of the living costs (e.g. everyday groceries etc).. however you are not his slave so I wouldnt be doing his washing or ironing, and i would expect him to clean up after himself.When you go out I would be expecting him as a minimum to pay his share (and occasionally pay for the whole day as any chivalrous man should). If paying for his groceries is impossible and money is really that tight, what about asking him to come shopping with you and splitting the costs together. Hope that helps x
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