A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm with my first boyfriend and not very experienced.To me his penis looks really small when he is lying down and not erect, but his erection is a good size.He thinks me looking at him naked (without erection) should turn me on but I just find it doesn't, I can't say why, and I lie and say I'm turned on when I'm not to avoid offending him.Like I said I don't have much experience but I think I get more turned on by affection and romance.Should I tell how I feel or not?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 Tell him what you need. Don't say your limp dick is NOT a turn on.. but tell him, what really turns me on is ... (insert explanation). If you need touch over visual, tell him.
I doubt there are many women who finds a non erect penis a total turn on. Maybe you need to look at the rest of him instead of just the groin. A naked body (heck even a clothes) one can be sexy.
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (6 December 2011):
 Your boyfriend sounds inexperienced if he thinks women get turned on by looking at their junk. Maybe girls in the past have lied to him like you have done and now he is under the impression that women get turned on. You're normal, but you need to stop lying when it comes to these things. Speak up and explain yourself, or you'll never get what you want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): This is normal honey!
I'm the same. I went with a guy once who wasnt right for me, but so romantic it was passionate. My darling now is fantastic but he thinks the same as your boyfriend and im more turned on by romance and affection also.
Best thing in a relationship is to tell him what turns you on. Not as in a way of saying 'that doesnt turn me on', but by just dropping subtle hints as to what does, like during a movie saying 'oh wow, romantic dinners followed by sex is such a turn on for me'. He may surprise you then :)
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 December 2011):
 I don't know any women who are turned on by a flaccid penis. Many women are very visual, but simply aren't turned on by the identical things men are turned on by (obviously). You shouldn't lie to him about this, if he believes just waggling his flaccid penis in your face turns you on, he'll never learn how to do it properly.
Also worth saying, your boyfriend sounds a bit lazy. Going and showing you physical affection is obviously a lot more work than just standing there naked.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 He can't tell you what you should and should not be turned on by. I'm sure he isn't that ignorant. People are turned on by different things, and I actually can't say I am particularly turned on by a flaccid penis either. Unless the guy is really sexy naked then a flaccid penis isn't sexy to me, I am very much turned on by an erect penis and naked man, but not .. well, a small flaccid one just looks "cute" kind of, like a puppy. I don't get turned on by puppies. Maybe you should tell him that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): A Non erect penis looks cute. I have even done puppetry with a few. *shrugs* The guys are secure enough to know I think they are fab and its only an erect penis that says to me, time to get freaky so I get stimulated.
You are having a normal reaction.
Totally men are visually stimulated. Men tend to lean more towards being Sexual (physical) and can think I want sex and shwing they are in arousal state, women more sensual (mental/emotional) so we need touch, foreplay, our arousal state needs coaxing.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 December 2011):
 OF course you should tell him how you feel!
Naked men are funny looking… whether erect or not. No offense to the men here… and when I see my fiancé naked I feel nothing but warmth and love but sometimes I laugh at him and his peacock strutting around the house….
Cerberus nailed it… men are more visual women more tactile…
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A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (6 December 2011):
 to be honest I dont know many women who get turned on by the sight of a flaccid penis.
I mean... theyre just not that attractive.
Men thrive on visual stimulation, and women are more mentally stimulated. Thats not to say you dont appreciate that his ass looks cute in jeans, or a well defined torso isnt pleasurable to see... its just it doesnt quite give the same signals.
The things that drive a woman wild are touch, scent, love, romance. When he looks at you with that twinkle in his eye you melt... when he looks at your boobs he melts. We are just very different creatures.
I think you should tell him, explain to him that whilst you love the look of his body, its his actions and gestures that stimulate you the most.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): Yeah of course you should.
No offence OP but your boyfriend doesn't sound very experienced either. Yeah sure the sight of a naked guy turns on some women but the vast majority of you are far more susceptible to romance, affection, touch, words and things such as that than the visual unless he's a muscular, uber toned guy with bronzed skin oiled up hehe.
Just explain to him that while men are visual creatures women need other forms of stimulation. He may go wild seeing you naked on its own but what drives you wild may be a whisper and nibble on your ear. Just tell him its different for you but that you do love his body.
I once said the same thing to a girl in my teens, she laughed at me and asked me I was a girl, do I want to borrow one of her bikinis and go outside and parade my body. She was the one that explained that it was guys who got turned on by sight but that it touch that did it for girls.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 Yes he should be warned so he'll not be led on to believe you are interested at all in him.
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