A
female
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anonymous
writes:My LDR boyfriend of 9 months has just suddenly stopped taking my calls and answering my texts. I know hes ok and still alive because there is recent activity on his facebook page. We last spoke on the phone last week and everything was fine. Now he is just completely ignoring me. I text him to say I cant be doing with the head games and that its over because he was on his last chance anyway. I didnt get a reply. So I am now doing no contact with him, Ive deleted his numbers and stuff. But I feel like im in limbo, I dont know what I did wrong. Im so deeply hurt I really loved him and I just want to move on. Should I try and find out what I did or just leave it? Im scared I will just keep going over and over in my mind possible reasons why is behaving like this.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 December 2011):
 He’s no longer your boyfriend. I’m sorry. This is his chicken way of ending it. But the truth is you had to end it. And you did.
“I text him to say I cant be doing with the head games and that its over because he was on his last chance anyway.”
so it’s DONE! I mean come on had he sent a text back saying “Ok” wouldn’t you be fighting with him to figure out how to fix this. NO contact was the easy way out… but it’s working.
You are NOT in limbo YOU ended it. YOU got your closure. THIS is NOT about you. The wisest thing I ever read was that relationships are NOT personal. They are about the other person and what they bring to the table. HE brought the inability to have an LDR in an adult manner. HIS walking out like this is NOT about YOU… it’s HIM.
He is behaving the way he is because this is how HE behaves. THIS is how HE copes. YOU didn’t do anything wrong… It’s not about you. Hard to believe and imagine but it’s the truth.
LDRs are hard. I don’t have your age but if you are under 25 they are even harder. Delete his info… move on… take 6 weeks to grieve and mourn…. Then up and at em.
A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (18 December 2011):
 Hello,
I think you will find he was checking out and finally did it. Very rude and impolite to just go without saying. I doubt he will ever be in touch now because it seems he had made his mind up a while back. I doubt you will get any real reasons. You have tried and recieved nothing back. So now I'm afraid you will just have to move on and don't contact him anymore.
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female
reader, Miss Taterbutt +, writes (18 December 2011):
 Take this from someone who experienced the same thing in their year long LDR. It's over. He probably feels or has come to terms that the relationship isn't working out due to the distance between ya'll. My boyfriend, whom has changed quite a bit since he moved back here from North Carolina, used to do the same thing.
I would call frequently and would get no reply in return. If I did, it would be hours later, and the conversation would be short. You're better off just finding happiness with someone else, that is relatively closer to you. I would never recommend a long-distance relationship to anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): You are NOT in limbo. No contact from a LDR and it was his last chance - hes gone. Playing games and being disrespectful.So really, its over and you know it. Its not adult of him how he is giving you the cold shoulder, agreed. Its not fair or honest. Agreed.But if it was his last chance, there must be a history of games from this guy.What makes you think you did something wrong? Standing up for yourself and putting your foot down is THE RIGHT thing to do.You showed self love and self respect and if the Ex wants to see it as a personal attack, his choice.Time to focus on you. Mourn for a day or two THEN, get determined to enjoy your holidays. Keep busy. Help others. Be amazing you! Look for the good in everyday.Realize you are special and have a lot going for you. You don't need some LDR to help you feel better or special. YOu are that Without anyone.Leave it. Put it behind you. You don't always need to know the why. Obsessing over it isn't helping. Bury it. Take a shovel, a piece of paper with his name on it, and put it deep into the ground. Bury it. Say your goodbyes. Walk away. Sometimes we need such rituals to help us.Surround yourself with loved ones and friends this holiday season. pamper yourself with a pedicure or manicure.You can do it.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 December 2011):
 If he was on his last chance, then everything was not fine. There must have been other episodes denoting unrest or unease in the relationship, from either side , and probably you have read them the wrong way or underestimated them.
My theory ( absolutely arbitrary because I know nothing about the background , it's just what happens often ) is that he had been already somehow inching away from the relationship, hoping you'd " get it ". Which you did not, because, if you had a pattern of fight-then-kiss-and-make-up, as your mention of a " last chance " makes me think, you focused on the kiss-and-make-up part. Which was the " official " conclusion of the episode(s), but, obviously, not the unofficial one.
I don't think it is anything precise that you have done or said, because if it were , I guess it would be much easier for him to say : I am furious at you, I hate you because you did X and Y, how did you dare - a nice all-out argument.
The truth is quite possibly that he lies low precisely because he has nothing specific to reproach to you- he just run off of steam, or realized that he wasn't that into you anymore- for him it is difficult to say . Curiously men are seldom afraid of DOING things that can hurt their partner's feelings , but are terrorized of SAYING things to the same effect. Go figure.
I would not wait for voluntary further communication from him, because you have given him an easy way out . You told him- that was the last chance, I had it, it's over- and technically this does not require any further comment.
Where does this leave you ? Struggling with " closure" yeah. I'd suggest you to be brave and determined , and just bite the bullet and move on. There's never really any possible " closure ", there 's only a tired and tiring dragging on of recriminations and opposing view points. The only real closure comes from yourself, when you decide - but for real, not just in words - that a guy who vanishes from a 9 months relationship without as much as a "goodbye and take care " is a big jerk that you don't need to have in your life .
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): I would leave it, something was going on at his end you knew nothing about. Thats the thing with LDRs its so easy to lead a double life or have secrets.I doubt very much it was something you did.
Get it into your head it's over and start to heal.Its hard when theres no closure but thats the way some scumbags leave you.
Slowly you will recover, we all do and live to tell the tale.
Good luck
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