A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupids,I need some reassurance on my thoughts. Here's my story.I was in a LDR (couple of hours away) for the past 3 years and we began to fall apart last few months. We visited a lot and had the utmost respect for each other. Loved each other. There were bumps in the road like any other couple. However we started pulling away/detaching. She said she was bored and I wasnt happy either. We ended up talking about it and were throwing around ideas of taking break but still be together. A couple of weeks went by (I felt like I was losing my mind) and we talked again and she brought up the idea of "seeing other people" but in the end we would get together (I was already fearing she was). She gave me a 95% chance of being together but wanted to play the field.. She said it was because I couldn't give her a 100% that she was the one that she had to do this. I am her 2nd bf. I told her I want to move to the next stage with her (move in together but after she finished school). I was against it but I knew I was losing her. So another couple of weeks passed and we talked. She wanted to move forward with this "seeing other people". (what I know present day is that she already had). There were unclear rules that we were not suppose to date friends or kiss friends (set by her) and she still wanted to talk to me. I felt devastated by this and I ended up making my own rule of killing contact. I don't want to be anyones sick love puppy. A couple weeks pass again she contacts me "saying she needs me and wants me and that she made a mistake". We talk for 2-3 days and then we stop talking for another couple of weeks. She contacts me again. Saying she misses me and wants me. I finally say I am tired of this and that we need to stop this, the dynamics have changed, I am having trust issues with you. We have to stop talking and have to call it off. A day later she contacts me again. I am still sad and hurt but I keep letting her comeback. Its like I can't call it off even tho I know she's trouble. This last time she mentioned that she kissed someone ("we weren't together so it was okay"- her words). I told her I forgave her (for my own sake) but I have trust issues with her. She wants to make love and sends me all these mixed signals. I believe my biggest problem is that I still look at her as being nice and caring but she doesn't try to help relationship dynamics.I am graduated and I have been working for the past couple of years in a job in my career path. She is still switching majors in college and has 2 years left. She's in her early 20's.Personally I believe she needs to grow up. She's playing games with me. She's sidelining me until she finds someone else. She doesn't have clue what my feelings are and she's not receptive to them. It just sucks because I thought she was the one and now I feel like I'm just disgusted in this whole thing. I fear it was partly my doing with taking the job and have sadly thought about quitting it for her. I also look at it as a blessing.Thoughts?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 Actually the message is not that mixed, she said it loud and clear : she wants to see other people, play the field a bit, does not want to be in a committed relationship with you. Clearer than that... The general intention makes the specific details irrelevant, i.e. if she was or not entitled to kiss other guys etc.
You answered your own question : she is sidelining you waiting for someone better to show up. If he does not, you are old reliable to fall back on.
Since you got that already, I don't understand why you would even consider changing your job for her . Or moving in with her, when you were against it to begin with.
I think the girl is simply bored and the relationship run its course, the " you are not giving 100% thing " is an excuse.
You can let her waltz in and out of your life, or you can make a honest effort and write definitely " The End " on this story. Your call.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (22 December 2012):
I think this is not working and there is no hope in this so called relationship. This girl isn't on the same page as you are nor is she close to being ready.
Statistics aside, I don't really see anything much of a relationship and you really just need to move on and find someone else. She isn't even trying nor does she ever ask you how you feel. It doesn't even make sense to quit a job like this for someone, what possible sense does that even make? Get it together dude. Sometimes sh!t happens and it can't be fixed, people go their separate ways etc etc. The relationship didn't work out but she's not the only girl in the world.
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