A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:what does it mean when your long distance girlfriend goes offline on msn so she can watch a movie with her male bestfriend that she kissed before?!!!I was just talking to my ldr gf and she left me for her best male friend to watch a movie in her room!!!I asked her you would rather be with him that speak to me? and she was like yesI know she loves me but I don't trust them together in a room especially that they kissed before when we weren't together !!!What do you guys think about this. Is it normal ?
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 Gee Cerberus, thanks for the manual!
Sorry OP. This is a painful lesson to learn.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): FYI: I'm not saying that I hate Dirtball being 100% correct. Just that I wish I had better news for you OP.
Just thought I'd make that clear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): I hate to say it OP but Dirtball is 100% correct.
You know when I was younger I used to love having female friends who's boyfriends lived a long distance away. So I know exactly what "watching movies" means when it's alone with her in her room. We also called it "listening to a new CD", "helping with her homework". You see it's just too easy with girls like that.
They have a boyfriend who they never see. They talk all this romance stuff with him but they miss him and can't hold him, so their only source of physical closeness is me, their "friend". You see while their boyfriend only exists on the internet and at the other end of a phoneline. I'm sitting there holding her and comforting her as a "friend". It doesn't take long to build a closeness because they already yearn it so badly from their boyfriend that it becomes easy for them to be physically affectionate with me. They then begin to see me as the source of physical closeness and they begin to start needing me for that.
It goes from doing stuff together like "friend" dates for coffee and the cinema, to drinking together. When it moves to point where we're in her room there's no turning back.
You see when they talk about missing their boyfriend, I would just say "awww, well I'm here" and give them a hug. You see I got to feed off their need to be intimate and while it was innocent to begin with, it's easy to lead it to more because LDRs starve people of that intimacy, and all their boyfriend becomes is a reminder that they don't have that.
So we'd be friends, very cozy, huggy, mess fighting, cuddling, each time going just that little bit further until the sexual tension became like a game. We'd push each other just to see how far the other person goes and then wham! the deal is done. All the time agreeing that it's not right, yet always building up that sexual tension. Then it's just a matter of time. When the time has come it just happens and even though you wanted it to the whole time, to her it just feels natural as hell, it feels like a spontaneous build up of emotions and unplanned and wholly romantic event. But you know us guys OP, we don't spend that much time getting that close to a girl without wanting something more.
I'm not proud of being that guy, being that underhanded and sneaky. But the way I saw it back then was that I was giving her something her boyfriend couldn't. That it was their own fault for being in an LDR but that I was going to take full advantage of the situation.
Not nice at all, but I learned a lot.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): She isn't putting you first, so give her up and find someone nearer to home who will be with YOU watching movies or whatever.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (23 December 2010):
You're in a long distance relationship, which means the only time you get to do anything is when you talk online or on the phone. And after awhile, that gets pretty boring. There's only so many things you can talk about, when you aren't physically together doing things together. So eventually, in my case, it turns into "so what did you do today?" "what did you eat today?". It gets kind of boring. So it's not that surprising that she wants to see friends and do things. It's unfortunate that he's a guy that she kissed before, but you can't really do anything. He's her best friend, so unless you give an ultimatum, him or me, she's going to spend time with him. Actually, if you do give an ultimatum, chances are that she would break up with you, since no one likes getting an ultimatum. Just think about it this way, they've kissed, but it didn't even go further than that. Maybe they both know that they don't even see each other that way. And it all happened before you. Anyways, the point is that1) She wants to do other stuff than just talk online with you, which is normal. 2) She has a bestfriend that she kissed before, but as long as she keeps it just friends, that's fine. 3) Maybe the 2 of you could make things more interesting in the LDR by maybe renting the same movie and watching it at the same time while on the phone with each other. Or playing online games together or something. Something that will make your time together more fun and interesting.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 December 2010):
Is what normal? Her to be having a relationship with this "friend?" Yup. This is why LDR's don't work the vast majority of the time.
They are a couple. It's best if you let this go. She chose who is more important to her, and you know what? I don't blame her. It's not a relationship if you can't see each other in person. That's just torture.
Find yourself a girl you can actually BE with, and end things with her. She's just too chicken to tell you the truth. They aren't just friends. Friends don't make out and watch movies together in the bedroom.
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