A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, actually I am in a long distance relationship since last 10 months and these months have been extremely good. As in, we enjoy each others company and love to talk to each other all day and spend time together. But the thing is that since last few days I am going through a problem or whatever you may call it.The thing is that she is a professional theater actor and it is obvious that she will some romantic scenes or kiss on screen/stage. So, this very thought is disturbing me a lot. Although, I have talked to her about this and she says that I should just trust her. And yes I trust her a lot and I would never want to end this relationship and that too because of such a lame reason. But, I am really disturbed when I think about it that she will be kissing other guy on screen/stage and she will be romancing. Also, acting is her passion and I wish to support her always in this. But, it is very true that I am finding it difficult to manage these thoughts in my mind.Please Help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): I have been through the same issue with my wife. She has always done theater and we addressed this issue prior to marriage. I've supported her for decades and finally a role came up that involved a lot of intimacy including kissing. I was broken by it.Actors say it is just blocking or totally unromantic. While kissing and other physical activities can be regarded as only physical behaviors, it is the meaning that those behaviors hold to each individual that truly matters. For me holding hands with intertwined fingers, certain kinds of embraces, certain places to touch, lip kissing, and baring aspects of one's body contain special meaning to me in and of themselves. I wouldn't consider doing those activities with someone on or off the stage even if my wife had no problem with it. My wife, on the other hand, sees those physical behaviors as containing meaning ONLY within the context of an intimate relationship. From her perspective, she can engage in all of those physical behaviors and be considered totally faithful to me; she believes she is totally ethical and moral in doing those things. we never could resolve it but I told her that if she had the right to do it, I had the right not to know anything about it and to not attend any of her shows. I hated doing that because I have always loved watching her in stage. But knowing that is going on and especially seeing it is far to disorienting and hurtful to me.
A
male
reader, popeye_loves-cuspi  +, writes (6 May 2012):
I think its perfectly understandable why you would feel uneasy about it, its something you do together as an act of intimacy, so knowing or seeing her with someone else, doing what you both do, im sure there are many that would feel very insecure about it.
She says that you should trust her, but its not her that feels what you do and even though people says its just the act, nothing is felt inside of that act, well, seeing just that act is enough to make you hurt.
Talk to her about what you feel again, because while she could pursue her dream of acting further, she could also kill off the uneasyness you feel too.
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A
male
reader, xgod  +, writes (6 May 2012):
 When you are with your girlfriend, are you usually all alone when you kiss, hug, and go wild on one another?What you have to realize is that actors and actresses on stage or in films or even on tv are in a room with DOZENS of other people when their character must become intimate with another character. Any romance or emotional involvement is neutralized by the fact that they may have to sit or hold a pose in a truly painful, but photogenic, way. Sometimes they must hold that pose for minutes, hours, or even repeatedly over several days.When two actors kiss, they are doing a job. It can be fun, certainly, but there are almost always very hot and bright lights shining in their eyes, lots of people standing around and behind the camera, sometimes people in the rafters above their heads, and people behind the set peeking in or watching on monitors.Acting and kissing and hugging and doing love scenes can take forever because most of the time it is difficult to get comfortable or not find it all hilariously funny.If your girlfriend is dedicated to you and spends a lot of time telling you how funny, uncomfortable, or even painful the scene was that day, and wishes she could be with you, then you have little to worry about.Sometimes the person she is kissing or being close to is married and has his spouse or lover standing behind the camera watching. He may have kids on set even. Regardless, there is a chance at attraction, but the body odors, the breath, and the smells of all the people on set, as well as the noise and heat from the camera and lights - it is in no way truly intimate. What you see on film is two people in bed or kissing. What you do not see on film is the dozens of people watching live as it was filmed.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 May 2012):
 I've done acting before and have had to do kisses on stage and I promise it is NOT romantic at all. It's awkward and me and the actor always would have a laugh about it afterwards. Everyone is staring at you, there are bright hot lights on you, you've been directed on exactly how to kiss (which side to put your nose, etc... etc...). I know the point of good acting is to make the audience believe that you're truly feeling these things, and your girlfriend must be a good actor, but in reality it's not romantic in the slightest. It's just like being told to do anything else by the director.
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