A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:please don't read this and assume i'm a horrible person, but I met this guy not long ago and he's asked me out on a date. The things is, when I was out the other day he was there to and you think I would be happy to see him, or get that feeling inside my stomach. Instead it was more of, really... I can't feel any attraction what so ever, I've even tried to get to know him and figure out why there isn't! He's a good looking guy, funny, really nice it's shocking, literally girls wish to meet a guy like him, I was even one of those girls! But yet, I just find myself not attracted to him in that way... I've agreed to go out on a date, only because I figure i don't know him well enough and everyone deserves a chance right?But i feel more like i'm being forced on the date, I honestly just don't want to go because I know he likes me a lot and I feel bad knowing I don't. And i'll be on the date for the sake of giving it a chance.. which i do want to do, to see if he manages to change my mind... What do you guys think I should do? And also, what do I do if I go on the date and still feel nothing! How do I tell a guy that, without sounding like a bitch! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (6 May 2012):
 Just go. It's one date. You're not forced to give him another date and you might wind up enjoying yourself. You don't need to say anything at the end of the date about another, you can give yourself a little time to come up with something to say. Just make sure to insist on paying half so you don't feel guilty for taking his money or something. I went on a date with a guy once who I had no attraction to and he wound up buying an expensive bottle of wine and insisted on paying and I still feel guilty about not pitching in at all, years later.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (6 May 2012):
No-one assumes it’s going to be marriage, kids and a lifetime together from the first date, the chances of rejection for both parties are very high for the first few dates because you’re getting to know each other. If you’re still not sure about how you feel, go. If you enjoy his company but the date only confirms that there’s no attraction there, you can let him down gently. Tell him what a nice person he is but that you don’t see it going beyond friendship. That’s not horrible, it’s honest, and being honest is the best thing you can do. Unless you’re sure, there’s no harm in going on the date. It might help you clarify for yourself how you really feel.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 May 2012):
 It is just a date. Men and women suffer a 50/50 chance of getting rejected. You are not a bad person for not feeling anything. There are differences between not feeling attracted yet, feeling he's more like a brother than a lover, feeling he's unnattractive, and the worst, feeling repulsed by him. Many long term couples do not start off relationships based on the romanticized love at first sight. If you decide you don't want to go out with him again. After the first date it is the time to tell him you are still looking out for other men, and you don't need to explain what you are feeling inside. You don't need to lead him on for 3 or 4 more dates to see feelings develop. Usually it takes only minutes to see if chemistry is there so the first meeting should be brief making sure that no one is spending too much money in vain.
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