A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Long story short. My long distance ex who is four years older than me has decided to pursue his masters degree at my university. He emailed me with the news and we began chatting via smartphone texting app. He made many hints that he still has feelings for me, although we haven't officially talked about "us" or the "next step." I haven't hinted anything because he will be coming for spring semester in February which is still awhile away. During our long distance relationship he was a terrible communicator and we barely spoke once a week. Now that he's older and has a smartphone, I hope for better but I know he may not change. I haven't hinted anything in case he disappears. I didn't want to begin our relationship now knowing we might not talk often. I figured that I'd give us another change if when he comes to my university in February. However today he hinted that I should visit his country during Thanksgiving week which I have off. I joked that I'm saving money but since he's a working professional, he should buy the plane ticket for me. He didn't give me a direct answer but we said bye as he went to work. Two years ago I visited his country to see him with my own money when I was very young. I feel that it would be fair for him to see me this time around or perhaps pitch in for my plane ticket. Is this reasonable to ask if the topic comes up again? Ironically it's a serious topic considering I'm taking things very lightly now. I'm not taking anything he says "seriously" in a way. I'm speaking to him as I would a good friend. I like him a lot but I don't show it. I don't want to get hurt again! He wasn't a good LDR boyfriend and although I hope he will be a good boyfriend to me if when we get together when he comes. Is that possible?
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (19 July 2012):
 I agree with the other posters. You are just talking, you are not couple. Based on the information you gave during the time you were in a relationship, he did not treat you very well. I would not go even if he bought the plane ticket. I would tell him that it is a nice thought, but you do not have the money at this time and you have plans with other friends. Maybe you could get together for coffee when he starts attending classes at your university. I would keep this on a friendly level, but don't jump right back into a relationship with him.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 July 2012):
 If he wants you to visit he should send the plane ticket. But you can’t ask him to buy the ticket. IF he suggests a visit in November what you say to him is “I’d love to but I can’t afford the ticket.. if you want me to come send me a ticket”
To be honest honey, I would not hold my breath either… even when they are far away… if a man wants a woman he will have her… if she allows it.. and if he cares about her, he has contact frequently and he moves mountains to be with her…
If he’s coming to where you are he’s probably just wanting to have some connection to someone…. You happen to be it… do not get your hopes up that this will end up with a positive result.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2012): Thank you all for your responses! If there's anyone else that can advise me I'd love to hear that as well.
You are right, we are nothing as of now. I'm not planning to go visit him. If he really wants to see me then he can come but I don't think that's going to happen. But if things get more serious and he mentions it again, I will suggest that he come visit me.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 July 2012):
 I wouldn't hold my breath, people's characters do not alter too much in different surroundings. If he did not communicate enough , or enough for your tastes, I think his communication needfs and patterns would stay more or less the same even if he lived two blocks away from you. Often the problem is not a physical distance, but different requirements of intimiacy levels.
Anyway, no harm in giving it a try, and see what happens when he comes over in February. I would not jump the gun by visiting him before that- but if you do, you should pay your own way, because officially you are absolutely nothing yet ,not even good friends. So asking him to pay your ticket as of now sounds rather out of line to me.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (19 July 2012):
 It's not a good idea to go...and asking him to pay for your ticket is also out of the question. I suggest you wait it out, though the chances of the two of you making it turn around this time are thin.
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