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female
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anonymous
writes: I just broke up with a boyfriend that absolutely felt like as long as he had me, he didn't need to look at any kind of porn or check out other girls. This made sense to me because I never checked out other guys. My question is, are there many guys like this because I can't go off the image of all guys loving porn. I don't think I could deal with knowing my man liked to look at other women like that for whatever reason. In the future should I look for a guy that won't like porn like that because it's such a tender issue, or will I have to just get over it? Please help, thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone that has answered. I just wanted to clarify that it isn't the porn industry I'm against, I've wanted porn before, but with my ex. I just wouldn't like a guy that would find pleasure out of watching it alone when he's in a realationship. I think the comment that if a guy feels he needs to look at that then there may be something wrong with the relationship. I will definetly wait now, while being sensible of course. Thank you again, you have really helped put my mind at ease a little bit.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): Wow..do you know how many women would love to have a guy like your ex bf! There are guys out there that don't view porn. Hold out for one like that because if it's a tender issue with you, you need to find a guy who has the same relationship values as you have. Remember, dating is a selection process so take your time, date a variety and make a wise choice. Your future happiness will depend on how you discriminate what type of man is good for you. Keep being smart and using your head...I for one, respect that. Good luck.
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female
reader, jezibelinhell +, writes (14 July 2006):
 I've never met a man that didn't watch porn. Have you thought about watching it too? My man and I have had many a fine evening watching porn together and I can honestly say I wasn't checkin' out the guys. XXX is right...it's all about watching the sex. Many porn stars are quite gross if you really look at them. Relax...it's all in fun. But if you really can't handle it, you could always hold out for someone with similar views. No one should be unhappy in their relationship for any reason.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): I agree with Yos on this, and can also add some further comment:If men views porn in a relationship it can undoubtedly negatively affect a relationship. Why is this? Well, for men to receive sex they generally have to do some degree of work. If they are not in a relationship, engaging in sex usually involves a commitment to fulfilling the emotional needs of a particular female. In one-night-stand situations, by presenting a case that the target women is beautiful, intelligent, lovely.. special, his rewards will usually pay off (until the morning after)In a relationship, the same thing happens. If the relationship encounters problems, the man must commit to engaging in dialogue, communicating and resolving issues that the women is unhappy with in order to has his sexual needs met. Porn, however, is a far easier way to meet those needs. With porn, a man doesn't need to "work" at any thing. He doesn't need to communicate, to sacrifice any thing, to compromise. He simply taps a few letters on the keyboard, and all his sexual needs are met. Why would a man who is more led by desire than emotional satisfaction wish to work towards resolving a relationship problem when such a influential instinctual need can be met so easily?I have been, and am, very left wing in all but a few aspects and, like Yos, have what is seen as a strong right-wing view on pornography. I didn't used to be this way, but through personal experience of my own life and experiences, and through knowing people intuitively well can see the affect of porn in a relationship.Also, whilst I am in a relationship, I will not look at porn. If the urge presents itself, I know (from experience) that the relationship needs work, there is something lacking. The same can be said for "looking" at other women. Whilst in a happy, commited relationship, I can honestly say I never progress from innocently admiring the beauty of a women (coz - after all, women's body are fascinatingly beautiful, arn't they?;) to actually fantasising about being with them. I though, expect the same from any potential women I meet.Question asker - you are right to set these standards on any potential boyfriend. I suggest you get to know any potential guys and ask them their views about this (and all other important beliefs and views you have) because these are the things that make for a long and happy relationship!Good luck!
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reader, Yos  +, writes (14 July 2006):
 Probably only a minority of men will abstain from porn while in a relationship. However I don't think you are asking too much to ask for this. Quite the opposite, I think it sensible, given that porn cause a range of problems in relationships.
Since it is important for you, I think you should be clear about it and stick to your guns. One of the most common problems on this site is women complaning that their partner won't quit porn for them, and how terrible that is making them feel. Best to avoid the problem in the first place by finding a guy that isn't into it, or at least believes that it is a bad thing in the context of a relationship. Don't make any assumptions though, you'll need to discuss it with a guy early on.
I'll point out something else too. It's probably more common that the anti-porn guy will be conservative, right-wing, maybe religeous. It has been more normal for someone liberal to be pro-porn (due to freedom of speech etc). However, as the effects of porn become much more clear, due to the internet radically increasing its availability, I think anti-porn men will be much more distributed in terms of their opinions. I personally am definitely a left wing liberal on most issues, but when it comes to porn I am more conservative.
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reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (14 July 2006):
 I think you need to move past this problem because, trust me, there are not many men out there that won't look at naked women if you put them in front of them! I know it can be hard to think of your guy looking at another girl but that's what men like to do. They probably don't even fancy the women on porn half the time, they just like watching sex, thinking about sex, having sex etc!!!!
Personally, I get more upset when my man looks at girls in the street. That really bugs me! With porn, I think you can't stop men looking and naked women having sex, it's just no possible unless the man is gay! It doesn't mean they don't respect you or sex or that they want to go out and do the filthy things they see on the porn.
It sounds like what you had with your ex was good, but I think it is natural to look at the opposite sex from time to time. I mean, just because you're with someone doesn't mean you automatically stop fancying other people, does it? It's just natural, our sexual instincts are always there, no matter who is our partner.
Hope this has helped, just chill out and bit and let the right man come to you. Then take him as he is, warts and all!
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