A
male
age
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*pc3291955
writes:My girlfriend and I have broken up and gotten backtogether many times in the last 2 and a half years.When we have broken up sometimes I would vent my frustration to my adult children, not in a vicious way but just trying to get some answers and someone'spoint of view. This past May I was in the hospital with pneumonia and came close to dying. I had brokenup once again with my girlfriend a short time beforethis. When I was in the ICU my girlfriend was not treated kindly by my kids. They told her that only family members could see me and she found out later that that was not true. My girlfriend was very upset and said to my daughter that she hope that she never goes through something like this and gets treat so badly. Now my ex girlfriend is very upset and tellsme I am a terrible person for not sticking up for herbecause we were still friendly after the break up. Shesays if someone truly loves you they would stick upfor them and tell their kids that they did the wrong thing. Is this true and am I handling this all wrongby not speaking to my kids about this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): Dont damage the relationship with your children just to appease someone that is not even a girlfriend half the time. Your kids got it right. And put your well being first. Just stop sharing your thoughts about this woman with them. Use a friend if you need a sounding board at times. Tell the ex to be grateful youve recovered and to stop meddling with family affairs.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (14 August 2010):
 Number one: You should never vent on your kids because you will get over the "tiff" with your girlfriend, but they will not. Number two: If you plan to continue seeing this woman, you MUST confront your kids and tell them their behavior was not appropriate and must change in the future. They will accept her much better if you appear united on this topic. After that, you should not allow them to behave unkindly towards her. Unfortunately you created this monster (with them) and you must be the one to fix it.
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A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused  +, writes (14 August 2010):
 Here's the thing....the risk you take when you talk to your family and friends about your troubled relationships is that when things are going well, they still only remember the bad.
It's human nature and it can't be helped. Obviously you have to talk to someone though, but I find that it is best to find a friend who is smart enough to let you vent and not judge.
Your children love you, and will support you unconditionally. Therefore, they are not going to be so ready to give anyone a break if they feel that that person has hurt you in anyway.
So, if this is someone you want to keep in your life, you will need to ask your children to give them some slack and then stop letting them in on the ins-and-outs of your relationship.
I have always advised my friends to not talk about their relationships with their children. Doing that gives them the impression that they have a say, and they shouldn't. But, if you tell them your business you can't ask them to stay out of your business; doesn't work both ways. This is what your friends are for.
Best of luck and I hope your health is much improved :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): Your kids were wrong for lying to your girlfriend when she went to the hospital to provide emotional support--even if they don't like your gf, you being in the hospital at such a crtical time should NOT have been used to play games and show they're displeasure towards her. YES, you should have had a talk with your children about the situation and to assure them that it is never to happen again. Moreover, what is your relationship like with your ex? It seems as though you guys have an on again, off again relationship.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (14 August 2010):
 I don't think you've done anything wrong. Your kids know that it's been and on-again, off-again relationship, which gave them the impression that you're not committed. Further, you were "off-again" while she was trying to visit you. Your kids were probably looking out for your best interest -- someone so ill as to be near death doesn't need a visitor who might cause stress or anguish, which an "ex" can certainly do.I'd thank my kids, and tell the ex she's being unreasonable.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 August 2010):
 You did what any sane and normal person would do, and that is to pick your children over everyone else. She has no right to be mad at you for standing by your kids.
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