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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm 54 years old, and I left my husband about four years ago. We haven't filed for divorce, we're just separated. I have a 24 year old son, and a 19 and a 16 year old daughter. My youngest is rebelious and depressed, and wants to move in with my husband, for religious reasons. My other daughter already has. My son is leaving for a PhD program across the country. I want to have a unified family again, I just don't know if I can stand my husband. He never grew out of being a bachelor and into a husband. I don't know what to do, because I don't know if I still love him or not. I want to be happy, but I also want my kids to be as well. Please, if you can, help.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (17 July 2005):
If your kids want to live with their father, you will have to respect their wishes.
Could you try to be civil with their father in order to maintain a 'family' bond? If you dont feel that you can do this, you will have to arrange to see your children on ther own without their father present.
A
female
reader, angelina +, writes (16 July 2005):
Hmm I have a feeling this is too complex for a simple answer, but I'll give it a shot.
Are you sure it's only because of "religious" reasons that your daughters want to live with their father? It does seem strange for teenage girls to choose this, since teenage girls as they are going through puberty usually need their mothers more. Is it possible they feel sorry for their father in some way?
Since you left him, they may feel that you are the stronger one, and he is the weak one, and they feel guilty and feel like they need to take care of him. Children of divorce usually want to side with the parent they perceive as the more emotionally needy, out of a natural desire for both parents to be happy.
Have you tried marital counseling? Since the divorce is fairly recent, and you have such a strong desire to have a unified family, I would think the prognosis is pretty good that you could figure out how to make things work.
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