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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 22 years old and married for almost a year.I gained weight with my pregnancy, but I'm working out to lose it. I have a beautiful face but a full figure. I've lost 55 pounds before. I'll do it again within this year. We married early because of our daughter. She's months old now. I love my husband very much, but I don't have that giddy feeling of being in love. He's overweight and won't work out, short, has thin hair, not interested in sex, is lazy, gambles, drinks, insensitive, uses profanity, disrespects me, is unemployed, and sometime smokes pot behind my back. He's recently being avoiding me because I guess he's tired of my nagging and dissappointment with him.I've slacked up with my nagging, given him oral pleasure constantly, and worked my butt off, but I don't have much strength left to put up with him. He's completely fallen apart within our 1st year of marriage.We are seperated, and to tell you truth I'm fine with it. What can I do to ensure strong bondaries if I do let him back into my life? Help me put my foot down in realistic ways.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (17 July 2005):
You would have to treat him like the child that he is acting and tell him how to behave and set down ground rules and punishments if they are not met.
Do you really want to be this mans mother as opposed to his wife?
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reader, pops +, writes (17 July 2005):
Well a separation will at least force him to get off his butt and take care of himself. Obviously, you both have gone through a very big change during your first year of marriage. Seek counseling for the both of you. If he won't go, you go. Eventually, he will either get curious, or begin to worry that he is really going to lose you. Lose the weight. Young men particularly don't like the idea of spending the rest of their lives with overweight women. and, they don't apply the same rules to themselves. When, and if you talk to him again about " us ", tell him how upsetting it is for you to see him let himself go. You want to be seen with a trim athletic young man, as much as he wants to be seen with a woman that catches other men's eyes. Looks like other than having the baby, and trying to learn how to parent your child, the two of you did not invest anything into your relationship. All couples need to have at least one night a week where they go out on a " date " again, with each other, and treat each other like they did before the marriage. But, talk to a marriage counselor now, and you can get to reconstructive advice if and when he shows some interest in renewing his interest in you. Sorry you are going through this at such a young age, but you are not alone. pops
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