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*igerlily6767
writes:I have been with my bf for three years, we each have two teenagers from previous marriages. Every Holiday season, my kids and I are expected to join him and his extended family (his Mom, brother, sister in law and their kids) to celebrate Christmas. This is fine, but for the past two years we have been expected to sit and watch the gift exchange. Well, that was a joke. My kids had to sit there and watch the 5 other kids open many presents and they each got one gift. The event was at my home, I cleaned and cooked for a week to get ready for this. I spent money and time so that his family and mine could have a nice get together. Then they turn around and don't even think about my kids. The present they did get was nice, but was mailed to them by his other brother that lives out of state. The people that I invited into my home did not get them anything!Anyway, I was pissed....to say the least. I decided not to offer to host anything this year, but now we are invited to dinner at his brother's house, not gift opening, but dinner. I am inclined to say 'no thanks', because I feel like I should not be spending the Holiday with people that don't honestly care about me or my kids and that are so self centered. I am not materialistic, but do believe in showing people you care about them on the holidays.My bf would be hurt by us not attending and my children may be hurt by feeling 'left out'......any suggestions? I have a small gift for each person, because I don't feel right about going and not showing them that they were thought about.Another part of the formula is that my kids were abandoned by their own Dad, so they already have experienced enough rejection when it comes to family.My family does not celebrate together, as they live all over the country, so they are missing that piece, too.I need advice....quickly!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): I think that your boyfriend needs to have a word with his family in advance about the fact that they had not bought anything for your kids, i personally wouldn't go for christmas, i wouldn't be bothered if my boyfriend was put out or not. I would have christmas on my own with my kids, and tell hime to go to his family.
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female
reader, tigerlily6767 +, writes (18 December 2009):
tigerlily6767 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason they don't spend time with my family is complex...my father is deceased, my Mom has Alzheimers. We will be spending some time with my Mom, but she can only handle short interactions. My siblings don't live in this area, so there really is no-one. My ex-husband abandoned the kids a few years back and his family does not keep in touch. So, we really don't have much of an extended family here.....
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 December 2009):
 I'm kinda on the fence with what I think. Mainly because they might not even consider ow your kids feel, yes it is insensitive and slightly cold. Maybe they just don't know what to get them or even if they should get them anything.
Have you talked to your BF ? What does he think?
And your kids? What do they think? Do they think that because they get less presents they are less loved? Or is that your ( Mommy) interpretation?
I would seriously ask your kids if they want to go to X's house for Christmas dinner or not.
I think with blended families it can be really hard to have everyone on the same page.
I DO find it very tactless and tasteless that they didn't bother with a present for your kids. To me that just seems like a "don't care" attitude and frankly if that is what you are getting from them, I wouldn't want to go to dinner with these people either.
Talk it over with your kids then your BF and see where it takes you.
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (17 December 2009):
 Keep giving one of your cookies to the kid next to you and eventually, he'll give you one of his oatmeal cream pies. Kill 'em with lots and lots of cookies.
~SY
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): Well, obviously, it is all about material things to you. I really hope all your greed does not transfer over to your children!
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female
reader, tigerlily6767 +, writes (17 December 2009):
tigerlily6767 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the wonderful answers! There have been some other issues....his Mom has made it clear that she prefers his ex-wife to me. Nice, huh? I think she is starting to see the light....but not sure. The invitation to dinner is from the non-gift giving brother.....
I thought about inviting them over and them having them all watch my kids open their presents...to make a point. But I don't want to be that classless.....
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reader, Lee Adama  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 As someone who was also abandoned by their father I can tell you that the most important thing by far to your kids will be that they are with you at Christmas, & that you are happy. All this other stuff is just the nonsense of life that will barely touch them, so long as they feel that you are ok.
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