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Fiance' fooled me into thinking the gift was his idea and I found out!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Marriage problems, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 December 2009) 11 Answers - (Newest, 20 December 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, *ookiemon77 writes:

Look what I found out....

My Fiance brought me a gift for my birthday last July. It was really cute. It was a Yellow Rose Plant with a Birthday Bear and a Perfume. I loved it. It was a little weird for me thought that he asked me earlier that day about this guy I used to date for a few months and asked me if I had spoken to him or speak to him at all. I said no because I havent spoken to him since last Christmas. So anyway yesterday I ran into this guy I haven't spoken to for a long time at my place of work. And he asked me if I liked my Yellow Rose Plant and my birthday bear. I was so surprised to hear this thinking that my boyfriend had thought of this lovely gift, in reality it was this guy. I confronted my boyfriend and he said that he had got me the gift, but I said how did the guy describe exactly what I had in my house if only he had sent it. He said trying to put it on my "Well I thought you weren't speaking to him anymore and that you told him you were with someone" I did I said and I would never have known this stunt if I had not run into him yesterday. What do you have to say for yourself. He said nothing. What should I do?

View related questions: christmas, fiance

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009):

dump his ass. (:

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009):

I'd smash the perfume on the floor and ask him to wash the floor until there was no sent left. Then make him get me a new gift. If he couldn't do that he's out the door. That was sinking very very low, and I think of myself as worth something FAR better than that. Either he CRAWLS until I am pleased, or he can wave goodbye as I walk away.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (17 December 2009):

Honeypie agony aunt1. He didn't bother getting you a present.

2. He snagged a gift FOR you and pretended it was from him.

3. He lied.

OK. I'm sorry your BF is a jerk. I would tell him that you DID run into your ex and that you DO know that the present your current BF claimed was from him was from your ex. If you have feelings for you current Bf, then you need to tell him that lies just doesn't cut it with you.

I can see WHY he did what he did ( your current BF) BUT, this is one of those times where Karma shows what the guy is made off. And it isn't a pretty picture. He is a jealous, cheap liar...

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (17 December 2009):

LazyGuy agony auntOoh, the update you made is really nasty.

But the answer is clear, he has shown exactly what kind of guy he is. A scam artist who steals and lies when it comes to emotions.

I would run very fast indeed. This is the kinda stuff that belongs in a sitcom, not real life.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009):

ps... tell him you love him and let it go. how would you feel if an ex gf was sending him gifts? he says im not talking to her and one arrives? common... give the devil his due. he did it cause he likes ya and wants ya for him self.. not out of bad behavior

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009):

clap, clap clap..... thats for the current bf..... I mean think about it... a gift arrives from an ex bf just when your there....

aahhhhh the opportunity arrises: I will tell her its from me and she will be none the wiser (if shes not talking to him and i will get the credit)..

if she is... well, she is talking to the other man... honey you were set up...and fell in it face first.

he asked you if you were talking to him because you recieved the gift... a test if you will.

this was more of a jealousy thing... not a gift thing. I am not so sure i wouldnt have done the same thing.. is it right NOOOO... it sure is funny as hell...

your mad about the gift ... hes mad that the dude sent the gift and is feeling insecure... even more so that you called him out... you would have been better off letting it go.. because now.. no matter what you say he is going to have trust issues with you. no matter how misplaced they are.

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A female reader, Angzw Zimbabwe +, writes (17 December 2009):

Okaaay. Well that's a little different. I must say he is very creative; most guys would have thrown it in the trash but he went a step further and gave you the gift but claimed it was him? He is smart in an infuriating sort of way, I wonder how long he thought he would get away with it. You know, if everything else is ok in your relationship, then its no reason to break up. But do tell him that you only loved it because you thought he got it for you then put the gift in the trash. Hopefully, making him feel a little guilty by rejecting the gift will make him get really creative this Christmas.

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A male reader, Lee Adama United Kingdom +, writes (17 December 2009):

Lee Adama agony auntHuh, that does put something of a different complexion on things..... what a shit!

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A female reader, cookiemon77 United States +, writes (17 December 2009):

cookiemon77 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

No there is a misunderstanding of what I said. My ex boyfriend sent the Flowers and Bear to my old job place and he took them and made believe that they came from him. He didn't buy them he refurbished them.

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A female reader, Angzw Zimbabwe +, writes (17 December 2009):

I cannot understand why it upset you and why you even confronted him about it. Maybe he was feeling insecure about what you would like and asked someone who knew you. Most people get good ideas from others all the time.. Just apologise to him for making a big deal and let it go.

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A male reader, Lee Adama United Kingdom +, writes (17 December 2009):

Lee Adama agony auntAs a starting point I'd recommend calming down. You haven't even established why he spoke to your ex & you already seem prepared to accuse him of..... I'm not exactly sure what. Perhaps he just didn't have any idea about what you might like as a present, many men are rubbish at that, & decided to talk to someone who knew you but wouldn’t accidentally let it slip (as a family member might). If this is the case, then from his perspective, what you've done is to take this present that you love, & strip it of any romance or feeling. I'm pretty sure most people would react badly to this.

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