A
male
age
51-59,
*gottaloveherjustonce
writes:Hi everyone. Hope you can give me some advice.My girlfriend of one year is very jealous and insecure. She is pressuring me to ask me to marry her lately. She is a fun girl to be with and I like her a lot. But I am not ready for marriage.My gf is always texting me asking me what I am doing and has become jealous of one of my female friends after she snooped through her Facebook pictures. It does not help that this friend is beautiful. Lol Recently she asked me to delete this friend from Facebook. To make her happy I did that. But I regret that I did. My female friend is now mad at me. She is wondering why I would do something like that. And she won't talk to me. I feel really bad and I still want her in my life.Have I really screwed up? So much that it's too late? Does unfriending someone send them a message that you want them out of your life and that you are telling them they mean nothing to you? Why do some people take it so serious? It's just FB, right?How can I make this right?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): Oh, no!!! It's not just Facebook!!! People take Facebook pretty seriously. When you unfriend, it is sending a loud and clear message. "I want you out of my life." Even if you did not mean it, you were still weak enough to listen to your girlfriend. So either way this friend of yours probably thinks you have no balls and that you are a mean and weak person! I do think you have made your bed here. If you want to risk sending her another friend request, just realize she will probably delete it. I would. You have proven you are not a friend to her. Good luck with your jealous and insecure girlfriend. She sounds really immature and totally unhappy with herself. That is one prize of a future wife!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): Your gf made you choose between her and your friend, and you reluctantly chose her so that you can get on with your life with less harassment. She has now learned that anytime she doesn't like something you're doing all she has to do is throw a fit until you do as she says. great relationship!jealous and insecure girlfriends make for jealous and insecure wives. they think that if you marry them their insecurity will go away but it won't because it stems from within themselves, it follows them into whichever relationship they are in. don't for a second think that giving into her pressure to marry will permanently solve all your relationship problems. marriage doesn't actually change anything about how people think or behave or relate to each other, so people who think it does, are in for a huge let down and guess who she will take her anger out on?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): Does someone who really loves you make your life miserable? If you're not ready, you're not ready. Marriage is something you do because you love someone so much you definitely want to be with them "till death do us part", not because of pressure from anyone. Not every guy is ready for marriage at 40. But be gentle with her. She was hoping for more sooner because she's under pressure from the biological clock. That can't be easy.
To the female poster who began her message "I asked my then boyfriend to stop speaking to and unfriend a female friend on Facebook because I felt threatened by her..." you should get a Nobel Prize for honesty and frankness!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): I don know to' what point your girlfriend is jealous, but i have a FB friend who is actually my classmate, he is married. Every month I see he becomes "friends" with a beatifull young girl or two. I don't see his wife there, but a new pretty young girl appears every month at least. He is in his early 40s, girls don't look older than 30, none of them.
I know whatbhe is doing for living, he is a software engineer. Its not like he is in industry that give him chance to meet all these girls.
So, I being completely indifferent to him romantically, just observing involuntarily, had a question in my mind, where does he meet them? A middle age man who spend all day behind his computer, where does he meet all these hot young beauties? Does he go to bars after work, and if yes, why?
I m not a jealous type at all, but if I was his wife or girlfriend I would question beatifull girls that he calls just friends on his FB.
We dont know the whole story, OP. I text my husband all the time also, because I want to know how he is doing, and he texts me also. We like it, and don't see it that someone is jealous, or controlling.
She pressures you to marry her? I would to, considering your age. If she is the same age or close, its understandable, biological clock is ticking, and if she doesn't hurry up, she might end up waisting these last years of having kids with you , who is not ready for commitment nearing 40.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): are you worried about issues with your gf or losing your friend on FB? i'm confused)
jealousy is NOT a good quality. will always bother you.
talk to the FB friend. explain what happened. shouldn't be that big of a deal. gl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): I asked my then boyfriend to stop speaking to and unfriend a female friend on Facebook because I felt threatened by her . He did it very begrudgingly and held it against me. She made me feel insecure and I was deeply threatened although both us us are nice looking women. Anyway we got married and I was left with my husband's phone in the car one day and shame on me I looked through it. There were hundreds of messages between the two of tthem and spanning a long period of time so they had continued behind my back. Of course I questioned my husband who told me that she was his friend, that he had known her for longer than me and that he would talk to whoever he wished. That firmly put me in my place.I am telling you this story because once you do give in to women like me it will not get better only worse. She will become more controlling and you will be asked to give up other things too. I have left my husband as I need to be with a man who does not have female friends - it just does not suit my personality as I am too jealous and have to be the only one.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 January 2013):
If you start giving your nutty girlfriend an inch she'll take a mile. Re-friend your friend and tell your girlfriend that this crap ends now because you've never given her a reason not to trust you. If she doesn't like it tell her to take a hike.
Don't make the mistake of marrying someone like that and be blunt with her about it so she has a chance to see how her behavior is affecting your relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): If this girlfriend of yours told you to rob a bank for her, would you? Hopefully not because you know its wrong. Well its also wrong to be a jerk to your friends. Yet you did just that because your girlfriend is so insecure that she is a jerk herself. (Insecurity is often at the heart of a lot of abusive and mean behaviors.) Do not marry a jerk or you will for sure turn into one yourself if you haven't already. Associate with positive people, the kind of people you respect and want to emulate. The closest relationship to you should be with this kind of person not the type of person you don't want to turn into yourself. Of course she wants you to marry her. Selfish people see marriage as a means to getting more of what they want from you by legally locking you into the relationship with them and getting legally and socially entitled to have you do things for them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): Yes you screwed up, both in your choice of girlfriend and in being so weak as to turn against your friend for no reason except to pacify the girlfriend who makes you miserable. Your gf is not a good person to be in a relationship with. A man who can survive a relationship with her is one who is strong in his boundaries and morals and doesn't allow her to change them to placate her selfish needs. You don't seem to be such a man therefore you're not going to survive this relationship except with a lot of collateral damage (such as losing your friends and becoming a totally different person) .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): Let me ask you a simple question. Who has treated you better in the context of their relationship to you : your gf or your friend?Who do you feel more at ease with: your gf or your friend?Unfriending someone on FB is the same as unfriending them in real life unless you personally explain to them otherwise. Your gf obviously believes that when you unfriend someone on FB its as good as kicking them out of your life or significantly erasing them from your life, right? Otherwise why would she demand you unfriend your female friend if its "just FB " she would be fine with it. Your gf is controlling and manipulative and you are allowing her to control you even when it requires you to be a bad friend to your friends who have done nothing wrong to you. If a relationship requires you to treat other people badly in order to keep it going , then its a very unhealthy relationship and its doing harm rather than good.You're also setting a precedent of caving into your bossy controlling gf. Don't be surprised if soon she requires you to give up more and more things or people that are important to you.
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A
female
reader, Ricky2727 +, writes (6 January 2013):
Friends are forever and relationships can be temporary.... don't lose the ones you hold dearly because your girlfriend can't control a petty emotion.... she should honestly trust you more.I don't like the fact that she's making you choose between friends and her... if she really loved you she'd respect your feelings and stop pressuring you for marriage and your friendships with other people.I would find a new girlfriend and make peace with your close friend.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 January 2013):
 OP when you unfriend someone from Facebook, it usually signals the end of friendship. Why else would you unfriend them? Your friend has every right at being mad at you because what you did was rude. And its not making a mountain out of a molehill.
Anyway, your girlfriend sound like a lot of work. Today she's asking you to unfriend girls from Facebook, tomorrow she'll start asking you to block people out of your life. Honestly tell me, is that reasonable? Its very difficult to deal with someone as controlling and insecure as your girlfriend. Are you sure you're ready to take this on?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 January 2013):
 Yes, unfriending somebody on facebook is, unfriending them. If she is a friend off facebook she should be a friend ON facebook.
Your girlfriend sounds like a nightmare to me, but she must be doing something right for you to be allowing her to chose your friends for you.
You have a choice to make, you can chose to give the girlfriend permission to rule your life and chose your friends or you can chose to tell her to back off, you regret listening to her, and chose your own friends.
If you chose to 'refriend' your friend you may need to eat some humble pie and be prepared for a serious session of apologising. Whether you take your shrew of a girlfriend with you to also apologise or not is up to you.
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