A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I really don't know who is in the wrong regarding our situation? My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and just moved in together. He will sometimes put on these (sexy teenager movies) he used to watch while growing up (ps. he is 34 years old) and talks about how he used to have a "crush" on these girls. He also tells me who is "hot" on tv. or movies. It makes me feel badly. I feel insulted and sad and don't feel pretty compaired to them... I know I am insecure about myself even though I am good looking. ( I guess it's just a female thing. ) He does compliment me all the time. It makes me feel good for the moment. He truly is a great boyfriend otherwise. In other relationships, I have notice that I have felt the same way, just not as badly as I do now.Knowing that I am aware of how I feel, I chose to stay closed up about this hoping the feelings would disappear or just realize that my insecurities are getting the best of me. I didn't want to start an argument and make myself look jealous.This past weekend I noticed he had one of those movies on and I broke down and asked him why he watches this crap??!! I told him that he is immature and he should feel embarassed about watching these little girls on the movie. I couldn't take it anymore! He was so confuesed, didn't get what I was saying and stormed out of the room. I came to him crying. I felt terrible about confronting him about it and in the manner that I did it. I said that I was sorry and tried to explain myself to him.*like I mentioned in the above* He said he loved me and we hugged. Later that day, I tried to bring up the subject again and come to some kind of agreement (nicely) and I told him I didn't want to argue, just to talk. But he said stop. He didn't want to discuse it anymore. Basically wanted to put the topic to rest and get back to us being happy. ( The rest of our day was nice together.)Now where do we stand?? Does he feel that he was in the wrong about this? Or is it me just being insecure?? and I was wrong. I really don't know how he feels, now since he doesn't want to talk about what had happened. I just need some outside opinions.Thank you. ps. This was our very first big argument...
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (18 July 2012):
 It sounds like it is simply a difference in taste - he likes movies and enjoys movies he watched when he was younger, whereas you are not into movies and dont really 'get' what he finds enjoyable in those movies - hence you automatically assume it is the girls in the movies that he likes, not the films themselves.
Try and understand that he enjoys the films, yes there are attractive women in them, but you dont get many unattractive actresses I'm afraid, so no matter what type of film he is watching chances are there will be a beautiful woman in there. He is not watching these films to drool over women, he is watching them because he enjoys that genre of film and finds it an entertaining way to spend a couple of hours.
I'm sure there are a few hobbies of yours that he doesnt understand, yet hopefully he doesnt get annoyed at you for liking what you like. So you need to return the favour - dont take these movies so personally, it is an interest of his that he enjoys and not neccessarily for the women.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks girls for your responses :) They were very helpful and now see my situation in a new light. I am 41 and he is 34 years old. I am not a movie person and he is. He does watch those American Pie movies and Mean Girls types of movies and on other hand watches Fast and Furious... I guess I just can't relate? lol
He has been considerate to me the fast few days & I am trying to see his point of view and trying not to be so judgmental. Hopefully we can make this work.
Thanks again!! xo
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 July 2012):
 What movies are you talking about? My fiancé is 39 to my 52 and he loves movies from his early teen years… and watches them and talks about his teen crush on Ally Sheedy… (funny my first husband had a crush on her too)…
I guess the fact that I watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory this weekend makes me immature? They are just movies from childhood…
I think if he’s watching stuff like “the Breakfast Club” and “Pretty in Pink” and stuff that he’s fine and you are insecure…. But like I said what movies are you talking about?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 I see that he is younger than you. Now he knows that he won't share these teen movies with you, but he might watch it himself or with his friends. It doesn't change a thing about your attraction to him. All he did was share his childhood memories with you, as these movies bring nostalgic memories. He feels that your insecurities are yours to deal with, since he has done enough to make you feel beautiful. All he could do is be true to you. If he really likes young girls he would be dating them, and not living with you. I think you should put it to rest and focus on the good in the relationship. Let him chalk this up to pms. If you never mention it again then it would be a one time thing to be forgotten. If you can't keep the thoughts to yourself and keep bringing the subject up he is going to feel like the relationship is hard work, and what else is cause for an argument.
He could be an inconsiderate person. Maybe you are the only older woman he dated. Maybe he shared his passion for teen actresses and his past girlfriends weren't bothered by his honesty? Focus on the person, the personality, and not what he said.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 July 2012):
Sorry but in my opinion he has done nothing wrong and this is 100% your insecurities.
I dont know exactly what you mean by a 'sexy teenager movie' as technically this would be illegal, you cannot have anything involving underage teenagers being too 'sexy'. I suppose you mean generic movies aimed to teen girls and boys where everyone is still at school in tiny skirts all having pointless relationships with each other (Mean Girls type of thing or American Pie etc).
If that is the case and he is watching those generic high school movies, have you never stopped to think he actually likes these films and enjoyed them when he was younger so simply wanted to watch it again?
And what about films you enjoy - I bet some of them have good looking men in right? And you are telling me that when you watch a film with Johnny Depp/Brad Pitt/George Clooney/Gerard Butler etc you dont think once "he is hot"?
Ok maybe you dont say it out loud, but I would be amazed if you can honestly say you dont find any male actor or celebrity attractive and have never once thought to yourself when watching a man on TV that he is hot.
I think if he wants to watch these films then let him, everyone has their own personal taste in films and you cannot try and change him simply because you dont like seeing scantily clad young women (they are not little girls by the way, often they are in their 20's playing younger girls in the film). The only part that he should consider is saying out loud 'she is hot' or telling you about his crushes.
Some couples can handle being that open - I often say out loud in front of my boyfriend how hot a certain celebrity is, and he will do the same. I dont feel insecure and neither does he because at the end of the day these are airbrushed celebrities that we will never meet, and in real life they dont even look like that anyway.
If you cannot cope with him being so open and honest in front of you, tell him that you dont mind him watching the films but you would prefer it if he kept his crushes and opinions on a female's attractiveness to himself. He should get the message!
I hope tjos helps and good luck!
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