A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A while ago I asked for advice about fulfilling my wifes mfm fantasy with my friend. A resounding 'bad idea' was what most people said,which is fair enough and we are not going to pursue it. However,some of u said that given what I'd said about our relationship, the likelihood was that my wife and friend were already playing behind my back. I don't think they are but certain things don't add up,which makes me think that maybe they are both interested in pushing things given the perfect storm of alcohol,opportunity etc. Any opinions/advice on the questions/info below?1)My friend sometimes asks about our sex life,what we are into,have we tried a threesome etc.2)He has said the thought of sex with my wife turns him on.3) He has told me,my wife and in front of his wife that his no1 fantasy is a 3some with my wife/his wife(his wife and my wife are best mates) .4)He always greets my wife with a kind of pet name and they always kiss each other full on the lips(lately his wife has started doing the same with me).5)One of my wifes fantasies is me and my friend taking advantage of her in my kitchen-the other week he made a passing comment about sex with my wife in the kitchen,a strange coincidence? 6)We were all at a party last month and I watched him around my wife,his eyes were following her and looking her up and down,iam crap at reading people but even I could tell he liked what he was seeing and wanted a taste.7) To test her reaction,I told my wife I had sent my friend a shitty text(I had,but it was lads banter,not shitty). I got the reaction I expected,she got upset,swore at me for sending such a text. In my opinion it confirmed an emotional attachment to my friend or both of them and she doesnt want our friendship jeopardized.I am not jealous of their behavior as we have a long happy marriage and we are open about our sexual fantasies,mfm roleplay etc and I do like it that he finds my wife attractive. If my wife fantasises about having fun with our friends as a mff,mfm or 4 then fine,I can deal with that.But if something has happened behind my back and I find out from a 3rd party,I don't know how I would react.I feel what's been happening is flirting on both sides,attraction and an ego boost for my wife and no more. Iam tempted to confront my friend and gauge his reaction,but if iam wrong I will piss off 3 people and could end up alienating myself. So,from people with no agenda,wots happening and what should I do next??
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flirt, jealous, sex life, text, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): U don't know how to play this out Bec you are so very scared.What do u prefer: a 15 year friendship or a cheating wife?Its time to enforce proper boundaries: don't meet up with them too often, or even none at all. Take time out. If you Need to be with friends then it means that your relationship with your wife is weak: very weak. It also means that your marriage is built around friends and Not around each other. Time to be a man and put your wife squarely in her place. Asking her meekly and her assuring you that you are her only man? Hell its the actions that speak volumes, not mere words. Do you consume a lot of alcohol? Then time to cut it out. Have all your faculties properly intact. Your observations and investigations have to be accurate so cut out the booze. Your friend is too smart for you. Do u think he's just gonna tell you he's been f*cking your wife? Think again. Thus far you are clueless. And they want you to remain so. So make a life changing decision: friendship or your marriage? Tell your wife that they are getting too involved in your lives and that its becoming an invasion. Yes she'll miss him (very much) much more than you think: but such is life. Oh and also tell her that IF/WHEN you do discover inappropriate between them there will be hell to pay. Say it as those you mean it, and dammit, mean it!LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your input.So very confused,thanks too,but this isn't about us going ahead and swapping,that's on the back burner.This is whether things between these two may have gone or are going further than I realise and I want to know how to get to the truth(still think this is a fantasy on his part and maybe a lustful crush on hers).
What u want to know is how to confront them and get the gods honest truth-which I can handle.
I have asked my wife before and I get the same answer'I swear you are the only man I've been with' and I think I believe her.
My friend,well he is your typical alpha male and I know he would seize opportunity if it presented itself. HOW DO I CONFRONT HIM,without potentially fucking up a 15 year friendship which means a lot to me. I was thinking about going out for a drink and giving him enough rope to hang himself,ie discuss his fmf fantasy with my wife/his wife,give him the impression we would consider it,ask him about his thing for wanting to have sex with my wife and maybe say something like
'If she were ever to climb the fence,id rather it be with you mate' and see if he drops his guard.
In all honesty,I don't know how to play this.
Thanks x.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): Listen man, they have already cuckold you. You are just too naive or just plain d*mb to catch on.
You May think that you have a solid marriage but it is far from the truth.
I have said it before and i will repeat: grow some 8alls and confront them. What are you afraid of? That you are right?
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Some "friend"..... He sounds like a creep.... and I can't help but wonder why you haven't yet put him out of your life......
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 July 2012):
 you are playing a dangerous game....
you want this fantasy so badly...
go ahead and go for it...
if you are willing to RISK losing everything...
I am telling you... there was sharing in my last marriage and it killed the marriage... there will be NO SHARING in this one...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Their talk and actions had gone beyond just a fantasy and trying it out becomes inevitable. It is up to you to stop all this. You are okay with mfm, it sounds like your friend only wants fmf. To make these fantasies work, you have to be open minded and be fair. If he wants to shag your wife, then he has to agree to let you shag his wife too, and that all four people have to be present. You don't have to confront your friend. I don't think asking about his intentions mean you are judging his morality. You are negotiating so no one feels cheated. Tell your wife your consequences if she went behind your back. Lay out all the rules about what constitutes cheating. Be very detailed so there won't be any "I thought you meant . .." "But you said. . ." later. Because you don't know what your reactions would be, your wife should know that worst consequence is a divorce. You should limit alcohol, or better, none. You should also come up with "safe words" if you feel uncomfortable at any time. If they go on despite your discomfort then you should definitely confront your wife and cut off your friend.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Apart from you and your wife talking about having a 3-some, have you ever mentioned 3-somes to your friend in conversation... because someone has!
The idea is turning your wife on and it's turning your friend on too. It doesn't necessarily mean that anything has happened though but it is in the forefront of your wife's mind AND in his and that's the reason his eyes were following her around. It sounds to me as if they've had conversations about it too, albeit possibly just in a flirty sense. The fact that his wife has started greeting you with a kiss on the mouth too tells me that your friend is discussing it with his wife also!
You and your wife need to make your mind up once and for all about sharing yourself with others. If you both want to try it then do so... if it's nothing more than a fantasy and you think it could damage your relationship (which is possible) then put it to bed and forget about it once and for all. All of this will we won't we stuff is confusing everyone concerned so talk to your wife again and make your decision.
~Eve~
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