A
female
age
41-50,
*rissy26
writes:I am in a serious relationship we met 9mths ago and things have been awsum but lately for the last few weeks i have started to feel insecure about things, my body him being friends with other girls and it makes me feel that hes gonna run away on me even tho he has told me he is with me for a reason not because he has to be with me. I love this guy to death and it would kill me if i ever lost him, i was with a guy for 6 years who treated me like crap and i was single for two years until i met this wonderful guy i dont know if its because i had been treated badly by my ex who used to always put me down all tha time or what. I dont want to loose him so if someone could please just give me some advice it would be great.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): It could very well be because of your previous bad experience. But are you willing to let what happened get in the way of enjoying this relationship? I'm sure the answer to that is no!
We can all feel insecure in relationships. It is a sign that you obviously care about the person you are with. But when it gets too strong, it can be a torment, where you are plagued constantly with doubts, worries, insecurities and fears. Nobody can know for sure how things will turn out. We don't know what the future holds. We only have right now. And it sounds like things are going really well between you and your boyfriend right now. So why worry about what might or might not happen? What good will that do? Will it make you happy? Will it enhance the relationship? What good purpose will it serve?
Don't get me wrong though, I know this is easier said than done! Maybe it would help if you had more things to do to occupy yourself. It sounds like he is really important to you, which is great, but it isn't a good idea if somebody becomes the entire purpose of your existence. You need to have other things to focus on too. Is there anything you'd like to do? Any goals you could set for yourself, which don't involve your boyfriend? Can you spend more time with friends?
I think it is important to realise that, while it is beautiful to be in a relationship, it is also improtant that you still maintain your own life away from the relationship. That you still have worthwhile things which are seperate. That way, it can help to take away that intensity, and give you other things to focus on when you are feeling very insecure. It could be anything, no matter how small. As long as you still have something for yourself, just for you, then you will know that you don't need the other person to function. You can do it just fine on your own, although it is certainly nicer to be with them I am sure. But if the worst ever happened...you would be okay.
I hope something helps. Take care. x
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 October 2009):
Hi there. Sounds like the memories of your first relationshiop are getting the better of you. Why don't you try sitting down with your boyfriend and telling him that you're worried and feel insecure because of how you've been treated before. Hopefully he'll listen and understand, then be able to reassure you.
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