A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My 18 year old son reciently came out as gay. I was initially shocked but my husband and i are trying to be supportive because at the end of the day we love him regardless, the problem is trying to get his grandparents (my husbands folks) to see it the same way. I never expected them to jump for joy, they are religious so are strugging on a few different levels. What has really upset us all is the fact that they are refusing to see him, have had a massive row at us for standing by him, they want us to send him for therapy to have him fixed or something and have gone as far as tell us that it must be our fault! I really dont know what to do or say! I'll be honest im not homophobic, but its not something i ever expected to hear. I love my son and if i dont support his decision then whats the alternative, have him walk out of our lives. He is struggling as it is, he says he doesnt want to be gay and he is scared, this thing with his grandparents has made him depressed. Please can somebody help with some advice. Thanks
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reader, yum yum  +, writes (15 November 2012):
 You should ask his Grandparents to get counselling so they can learn to accept their Grandson for who he is. Your son has courage, acceptance and self-awareness of who he is at a young age. This is something to be celebrated. He will do well in life. You should warm him though that the homosexual lifestyle is promiscuous. He should take necessary precaution. Congratulations on your son for coming out of the closet. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): Ignore any advise about counseling or "treatment". Those can have disastrous consequences and you mention your son is already getting depressed. Being gay is not what a person decides, but what a person is.Your son needs you. nobody chooses to be gay and place themselves in a position where you are likely to be shunned, bullied and where the whole world gets to have an opinion about what you do with your body. Your son is right to be scared. It is your duty as a mother to support and guide him through this, and if this means going against his grandparents so be it. You chose to bring a child into this world and it is him you owe unconditional love to. We all deserve at least to have our parents on our corner.
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A
female
reader, dee76 +, writes (31 October 2012):
Hi hun, i have read you post and my heart goes out to you, your family and your son. Being gay is no different to being straight,we love the same, we work the same and we contribute towards society the same. Religion and homesexuality has never mixed and probably never will, however i suspect some of your in laws issues could be a generation issue also.Regarding your son not wanting to be gay, this is very common and one of the main reasons is because of peoples reactions.Love and support your son and be there for him he is the same person he always has been, your husbands parents will either come to accept him or they wont, its a terribly sad situation but one that none of you can change, its down to them.As for curing him!! That is rubbish, its not an illness its a way of life that you are born with, councelling him straight does not work it mearly convinces an individual to hide their sexuality and live a life in a lie. He is who he is and he is lucky to have parents that are going to support him. Its going to be learning curve for all of you i wish you as a family a happy united future together x
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (31 October 2012):
 Keep praying for him. It is not God's will for us to be gay. It is not God's will for men to lie with 13 year old girls, or pray on children. It is not God's will for people to have sex with animals or do the things that some people are attracted to. These are the types of bondages we fall into when we try to live life on our own, without God's help. The world is full of sinful traps. It's sad that his grandparents cannot see the bigger picture here. The true test of their own purpose in life, seems to have escaped their attention. Many Christians are too quick to judge, and not quick enough to really help someone who wants to change. Keep praying for your son. Don't give up on him and don't allow him to feel like a piece of dirt because his grandparents are acting very non-Christ like towards him. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (31 October 2012):
I think you should stand by your son because he is your son and you love him and he needs that right now. But you said something in your post that struck me. You said he doesn't want to be gay. If that is truly the case then Christian counseling might help him deal with these feelings, these urges and lusts. Homosexuality is a strong attraction, just like some men are addicted to porn, some men lust for under age girls, and so forth. If he doesn't want to be gay, he's asking for help. If his grandparents were truly Christians they would offer to pray with him and give him some Godly guidance instead of condemnation. The Bible specifically talks about homosexuality being an abomination to God. It's not something we are born with. It's something we struggle with. It is part of man's sinful nature to want things that could seperate us from God's will. This could be a huge turning point in your son's life. He has these urges. They are pulling on him, and he is trying to keep from going under. Help him with this. Offer to speak to your pastor, or other spiritual counselor.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2012): First off OP it's not a "decision" he was born that way and always has been gay and always will be. It's not a choice he made and it's not something than can nor needs to be "fixed".
OP your grandparents will come around their own or they won't, but guess what he's not their son and if they can't accept that he is the same grandson they've always known then they're the ones who lose out not him.
OP forget them, you can't change their minds but what you can do is educate yourself and your husband on homosexuality, maybe it's something you were never really keen on but it's now a very real fact of your life. So the best you can do is educate yourself on it so you can help your son to accept who he is and that there is nothing abnormal nor wrong about it.
Seriously, your son is your main focus here, he's the one who is finding this tough, do what you've always done throughout his life when things like this come his way and step up and protect him as best you can.
As far as your idiotic in-laws goes, their God is the only one who can judge, pardon my french but they can go fuck themselves if they think they can be your sons judge and jury when did god anoint them with that power, and what part of their holy book says gay people need to be cured or that there is anything wrong with homosexuality? Man cannot lie with man the way he does a woman? Well fucking duh! Guys don't have vaginas so that was merely a statement of fact, not a moral judgement, plus the parts of that book that say a man must offer up his daughters to be raped in the name of god put's that whole thing into perspective.
They're not your parents, let your husband deal with them and don;t for one second let them treat your son in any negative way, do what you've always done as his mother and fight hard not to let people treat him in any way badly, they're no exception.
I'm straight but have many gay friends, it can be and is a beautiful thing. Variety is the beauty of life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2012): I think people who claim to be religious but can so easily disregard their own family are complete hypocrites and it makes a sham out of their beliefs.
God has chosen this path for your son and he is only scared because of the prejudices being thrown at him by people who should love him, if he wasn't strong enough to cope with the challenge then he wouldn't be given it. I would suggest he stands up to his grandparents, tell them "this is how god has made me and I am proud, if your own prejudices mean you are cutting me out of your life then so be it but know that I will still pray for you and that one day god gives you the gift of compassion and understanding that you are currently lacking. When you are ready I will welcome you back with love and joy but I am going to live the life God has created for me."
No one can change him and I am so happy that as his parents you are supporting him. Encourage him to help others, perhaps he could volunteer as a teen counsellor and help other young people too afraid to tell anyone of their sexuality. It will show him he can do so much good in the world and use his experiences to guide other people and even being a listening ear to them he will understand. By doing this he will be a more spiritual person than his grandparents will ever know and you can hope one day they will see the good.
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