A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have just recently celebrated our one year anniversary. We get along great, hes my best friend. We've had some hardships, however. I have a daughter from a previous relationship. The father isnt in the picture, hasnt been since before she was born (he left me at three months pregnant). My bf is a different race. Which means that his dad HATES me. I'm not OCD clean like his mom, and i am not submissive, which his father can't stand....also, my bf has been providing for his family for a while now, and his dad got a job not long ago and started paying bills but still asked for help from my bf. my bf lives with them still. I feel like his dad is also threatened by me because before the day before our anniversary, my bf and his dad got into it about me and apparently some not very nice things were said. I didnt ask what all was said but i can see by the pity in my bf's eyes when he talks about it, it was horrible. So i told him Im not going to his house again. My bf agrees. We both are not financially able to get a place of our own, and as of right now I am living with my mother until i can get back on my feet, thanks to my car breaking down beyond repair. Am i dealing with this the right way by not going over there anymore? And how do i make this work, since it is becoming very difficult with my bf being in the middle?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI HAVE a job, thank u
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): "Why does his Dad hate me so much?"
From his father's point of view:
You're an irresponsible unemployed young woman who got yourself knocked up with a kid you can't afford to raise by a deadbeat absentee loser who is around to support it, and your getting involved with my son will only drag him down to your level as he supports not only a woman who is not his wife (and therefore not related to him, therefore not related to me) but also a kid who is not his child (and therefore not related to him, therefore not related to me), and I can't rule out the possibility that you will try to trap my son into marrying you by tricking him into knocking you up with a second kid you can't afford.
Stop playing the race card when it doesn't apply. Dad has plenty of legit reasons to hate your presence in his son's life (not you as a person, you as his son's girlfriend). You've made plenty of mistakes, OWN UP TO THEM!
"Am i dealing with this the right way by not going over there anymore?"
Yes. From Dad's POV, now the only thing left to accomplish is his son not coming over to your mother's any more.
"And how do i make this work, since it is becoming very difficult with my bf being in the middle?"
You don't. You are asking the impossible. But getting a job and/or tracking down deadbeat loser ex/baby daddy for child support to which YOUR CHILD is legally entitled and therefore is YOUR LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY and MORAL OBLIGATION as a mother to make every effort to collect would be a good start to show his father you are not the irresponsible unemployed breeder you appear to be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): I can tell how hard things must be for you.
But i understand his dad, why he doesn't like you.
Why? because of how you describe yourself:
{I'm not OCD clean like his mom, and i am not submissive, which his father can't stand}
Well, parents wants, what they think is best for their children. if this is how you describe yourself your really giving them a reason to dislike you. but it doesn't mean that they are right about you. I'm just pointing out how you LOOK AT YOURSELF.
If your not OCD how did they know about that? did you stay in their house for a couple of days? i hope not..it will give them a bad impression about you if your not helping them to clean their house.
In addition you said your not submissive, its actually fine, but not to the point you look and act like a rebel. You know what im saying? if they dont like you honey, you can never change their mind without doing something that will make you likable in their eyes.
I know your not a bad person. maybe just misunderstood. I feel for you, and trust me, i know how it feels coz i happen to experienced the same thing. The only way to change how they treat you, is for you to change first how you look at yourself.
I Suggest for you to FOCUS MORE on your future, your daughter, how to have a better life, your relationship with your bf is something you should not prioritize, If its meant to be, NO MATTER HOW his family dislikes you, IT WILL BE. im
I hope you agree with what im saying. People respect you more if you are productive in their eyes. I encourage you to be productive emotionally, mentally financially. Lastly, Pray to God, and he will do the rest...
I wish you luck...
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A
male
reader, Kozak117  +, writes (30 October 2012):
 i have experience with being hated by gf s parents and trust me you can never turn thier opinioun you have to just carry on with your partner and let the parents see that it doesnt matter what they think you will always love each other, they will come around in time and it will be like a stroppy kid giving in ( no offence )
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