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female
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*edeye
writes: My husband of 6 months has left me.I am a mother of 3, 17,16 and 12. My husband has a child also at 12. I had an hysterctomy 4 weeks ago, which didn't go well as ended up in theatre again due an internal bleed, ending in ICU. Then my husband left 2 weeks later with no explanation,went to stay at his parents, came home 6 days later, giving me the reason that his son doesn't like his dad being married. My husbands mum,son and exgirlfriend (mother of his son) are telling him he has to choose between his son and me. His son doesn't like coming to our home now (been coming for over 2 years), not liking that he doesn't have his own room and we don't do everything he wants to do. He wants it to be his dad only. My husband has been home now 3 times to talk, we do, we decide to make things work, he goes to get his things and texts me hours or so later to say he isn't coming home yet as his son is too upset. My husbands mum doesn't like me, that i know of, i have heard comments regarding me, being named a big witch, single mum scum, (born again christians)! I was a divorced mum, a hard working one at that, even on my wedding day friends heard her comments. I recieve texts messages from my husband telling me he loves me, wants to be home with me, cuddle me etc. I can't handle things. I've lost 2 stone and now recieve sleeping tablets, approached a lawyer regarding it all. My husband keeps asking me to wait, but not sure for how long. I've asked him about family counselling, not intrested. He takes his son out, but ignores my children, who are hurting, doesn't come through to help with anything on his days off. I am going off my head with it all. He refused to pay household bills, or even contribute. When I married him, I married as I love him and want to grow old together, face the good and bad times together. Now I feel tossed aside when I needed him most. As I have said to my husband, we could fix this together with him here, as husband and wife, show his son that he is and has been always welcome, he's loved, give him more access, a routine and stability. Do this as a married couple as a family, but keep getting told no, as son doesn't want that. What now? Lawyer says I have been abused mentally and can divorce him on these grounds, I just want my family home, but can I wait or forgive? I don't think I could do that to my children, whom I was told do not come into the equation by my husband's family, as I don't either.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 October 2005):
 Yep I agree with all the aunts here. You are going to be strung along by this clown forever. Tell in no uncertain terms what you require. You and your kids deserve a happy secure existance. Settle for no less.
A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (1 October 2005):
If your husband had any respect for you or himself he would set that kid straight about who is boss, and tell the girlfriend to shut her mouth and mind her own business. His son may not like you, but your husband should see to it that he never shows you one minute of disrespect. If the girlfriend or his mother don't like, you stay away from you, but keep thier mouth shut about you. Your husband should see to these things you are his wife and how dare he let someone talk disrepectful to him or anyone about you.
Think of your children. You would be better off running this man off and telling him to stay out of your life. He has only been in your life 6 months and has caused or let someone cause all these problems.
You need a real man in your life. A man that respects you and will contribute to the household. Somebody that really does love you and will love your children.
Hope you find happiness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2005): What kind of wimp did you marry, girl? There is nothing you can do except to let him go. By taking a hard stand with him...then maybe then he will take a hard stand with his family and his son. They should not be controlling his life. You are not some woman he just picked up, off the street. You are his wife! He should be insisting that they will have to accept you as his wife, as well. I know that it takes some families awhile, to accept a new wife, but they will never be willing to do that if he doesn't demand that of his Mother and his son. I'm not even gonna mention the ex-gf. She needs to stay out of this and get a life, herself. Tell your husband to stay away from you until he can get his act together and start respecting and supporting you. If he begs you to take him back, don't you dare unless he is willing to call a family meeting and insist to his mum and son, that you are going to be part of it. The two of you have to be a team and if he's not willing to do that, then I can't see this marriage surviving.
Communication, empathy, and the mutual feelings of respect and support are the glue that hold a strong partnership together. He's not doing his part. If he's not willing then get tough and tell him to take a hike. This situation will only keep diminishing your self value and affecting your feelings of self-worth. The man has no spine, dear...you really are better off without him. I wish you the best of luck, dear and please...be strong. Take Care
Hugs,
Irish
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