A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband is a good man.i share a good relationship .he is very handsome and well educated. I am also equally attractive. However I caught him flirting just by eye staring wit few women,they are less attractive comparing to both of us( am not trying to put any one down),he stares only when other party initiates eye contact.thats what it is like so far.It makes me think he will cheat on me if he gets a chance,he doesn't love me as he claims..He always gives me importance but if we are at social gatherings these constant staring things happen , at that time he seems like he ignores me. This happened in my baby shower . So I felt a lot hurt.but once the party is over he will be back to normal lovey Dovey husband .I am not able to predict this behavior .please throw me some light.I know a little flirting is a common thing. But the constant staring with same women as we meet regularly the same people in gatherings makes me bothering.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2016): When he next stares ask him what he's staring at. Don't be afraid to confront his bad behaviour.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 September 2016):
 Pardon me, but if he is not simply looking at attractive persons, ( as it is normal and sort of an authomatic reflex, whetehr we like that or not ) but ogling and staring , I doubt he is so dignified , he'll probably will look like a lecherous fool. ( You may want to warn him that he is not doung himself a favour in terms of looking cool ).
As for , what if the women take these stares as an invitataion to hit on him, and how he would react if the do... you are the most qualified person to answer: you are his wife and you know him. You know how seriously he takes fidelity, how much in love he is with you, how vunerable he is to impulse and tempations...
I think too, that if in general he is a loving partner and you have no major problems in your marriage- it's just a bad, rude , ingrained habit. He may not be fully aware of the extent of it , and he may not realize how awkward it is for you, and probably for the objects of his stares ( and, again, how uncool and uncouth he looks when he does his ogling routine ). Tell him !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2016): Am the original poster here.we been married for 6 years. He does notput me down.i don't know how to put this in good words as even though the staring thing continues, he behaves in a dignified manner with those women and never crossed the line as of now.i dint take this serious until now,but lately I have been wondering what if the woman takes advantage of this and how would he react in those situations .
Thanks all for replying
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2016): He might be doing it on purpose in order to provoke your jealousy. My ex did this, a form of triangulation to keep me feeling poor about my body. Does he do any other negative things that bother you?
We will all notice attractive people, some men do have an ogling problem and aren't even aware they are doing it though. Talk to him. If he is open and receptive and sorry for hurting you, good stuff! If he tried to turn it back on you or belittles you, bad... that is what kept happening to me, along with subtle abusive putdowns about my body at other times.
May I ask, how long have you been married?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2016): Next time he is in staring mode click your fingers in his face or go right up to his ear and say "seen anything you like?". His behaviour is rude - not only to you but to the women he is staring at who are most likely aware. It is uncomfortable for everyone. As for him not knowing he is doing it - come off it. Lets not start the poor little male can't help himself routine.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 September 2016):
 Talk to him about the staring and tell him how it makes you feel, my guess is that he does not even know he is doing it. Talk to him.
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