A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I am by myself, I am able to get myself off in about 5 minutes. Probably less. I can multiple orgasm for hours. My solo sex life is very healthy, but I have never been able to transfer that level to the bedroom of another. I have been dating one guy (long distance, so that doesn't help) and I've come twice with him since January, and one of those was a weak orgasm. It is always a struggle to get one out, I always feel pressure, even where there is none. I do the whole clearing my mind to enjoy sensations-nothing..and especially since it takes longer, I numb out quicker. I've had drinks to loosen my inhibitions--nope. I've tried to be more hands on to instruct what I like, with no effect. I even fantasize a little, not because I'm bored, but because I try to get it to help me orgasm-nada. I don't ALWAYS end up frustrated, but I'd say one out of three or four times I get frustrated (sometimes vocally, sometimes to myself because I don't want to make problems) because I want release, too. We've tried his hands, mouth and my vibrator/s (I don't really get into my own, manually, that's even slow for me by myself so I feel it's not really worth getting too into). And I'm not doing those self-marathons all the time, so it's not like my body is tired out. I can tell that it's in my head still, that I psych myself out and put pressure on myself but it's so frustrating to have such an "active" lifestyle but without your partner able to enjoy it with you. How do I once and for all shake this?
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female
reader, k4ren  +, writes (12 December 2016):
Hi, enjoy both the sex with your partner because it is with your partner for tenderness and togetherness, and also alone. You do not have to just do one or the other. You are not alone with this situation, but relax and accept it.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 September 2016):
 Start by allowing him to watch you orgasm on your own, get him to lie on the bed next to you, and try and get in the mood, tell him he is not to get involved and try a couple of times to see if it is just as easy with him there, if it takes a while thats fine just take baby steps. Graduate it bit by bit to involve him and just go at your own pace.
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