A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My situation is far from conventional and I'm prepared to get some hate. I met husband while dancing at a strip club in Las Vegas. We fell hard and fast for each other, got engaged quickly and married quickly. I moved to Texas to be with him and left everything behind. We were both single parents and everything seemed so perfect. I went back to school and started working a regular job. I just never adapted to life in Texas and really miss dancing and the money I used to make (I have another blooming career but I still don't make much at all from that) I've been very lonely (no friends or family here) and feeling out of place and sad not making the money I'm used to. I've begged him to let me dance once a week but he said he will never change his mind. I don't think this is fair and I'm leaving him to go back to my city and back to my life. It breaks my heart because I love him so much.... I just don't know what to do.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (29 February 2016):
 I urge you to think things through very carefully before you leave and divorce your husband. Your decision will not only affect yourself but 3 other people...2 of them children. so you can't just make this about you..there are others that need to be thought of as well. You say that you love your husband so much and I will assume that he loves you too, so why not try to come up with a different solution?
I do understand to an extent what you are feeling. I met my husband when I lived in Ohio and he lived in Florida. I was a single mom of a 4 year old. I had a job, had just gotten an all paid scholarship for nursing school and had my life really going in a good direction. I left it all to marry him and to move 2000 miles away. Friends, family, a job I liked and a really good career in the future...because I fell in love. It was hard, so very hard making an adjustment for me. Many nights at first I would cry at night wondering what I had done, and had I done the wrong thing? I missed my family and friends I had known since nursery school and Florida was SO different from Ohio..I had a very difficult time adjusting to the heat! And that was the same thing for my daughter...she was suffering too being away from our family. Slowly I made friends, find a great job and settled into my new lifeMy daughter started school, she made friends as well. It took time....
I can't comment on your stripping job and making money, I don't know anything about that, but is it really worth giving up a marriage for??? This is what you have to ask yourself. Aren't there other ways to make money that you can think of?
Your husband doesn't want you to strip. That is completely understandable...he loves you and doesn't wish to have other men drooling over you. I don't know too many men that would be ok with their wife stripping but in the end its your life, your body. Think about what you REALLY want...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2016): You may not need a man's permission to do anything; but I'm a little thrown about a married-woman with children, wanting to dump her marriage to dance on a pole for a room full of gawking sexually-excited strangers who are objectifying her as a source of carnal entertainment. Offering the explicit-entertainer less respect than they would normally give a woman. About they same they would a porn actress or street-walker. They all make good money too; that doesn't make it classy, or due much respect. It isn't hating on you to see this form of work for what it is. Glamorized prostitution. Some ugly disgusting greasy sleaze-ball sticking a handful of bills down your thong or between your butt-cheeks. He's got just as much right to approach you as a millionaire. You'll see more of his type than anything else. Lowering femininity and beauty to nothing more than just a way to fetch a quick buck.
You like so many millennials seem to see marriage idealistically. Not in a realistic way; where certain sacrifices are made to show love and devotion. True commitment. A means to build on a foundation of trust, mutual respect, and a way to legitimately raise a family. The best of it is, offering children a secure and stable environment. Teaching them good values, the importance and advantages of higher education.
Truth be told, marriage wasn't for you in the first place. Perhaps you pursued the opportunity; because you may have seen benefits other than those mentioned. Like a fairy-tale wedding, and the bliss of the honeymoon-period. Now that's warn off, and it's back to a seedy life of dancing naked in-front of drooling pigs, drugs, alcohol, dark clubs, sleazy club-owners, and vice-cops skulking around in plain clothes waiting to find corruption or violations of the law.
Sounds very much like a glamorous life.
What about your child/children you're raising together? They face hurtful commentary and harsh judgment from their peers and society for what their parents do. It's no less honorable to be poor and struggling; but earning money by allowing yourself to be exploited will draw some criticism. Call it hating if you will.
No one has a right to judge you as a person, because we don't know you. However; opinions about that line of work isn't going to be positive for a female who has chosen to be a mother and role-model for a child. It's not just about you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 February 2016):
 You should never have to ask a man permission. Because you are not someones belonging or possession. You are a human being with the right to decide over your own body and self. If you want to go dancing, and this is your need, and you'd choose dancing over him, then do it. Let him be the one to leave you/divorce you. Don't do it for him, because if he does not accept you for who you are, and respect that you have the right to work whatever job you want, then he is the one who needs to leave. No you.
However I would consider that you might be at a loss, and that dancing appears to be the solution, but might in fact NOT be the solution. You say you have no friends, no family there, no happiness at your job/missing the money. It's easy to think that going back would somehow bring back the good things you had before. But keep in mind, you were not satisfied before either. You felt you missed something else then too, or else you wouldn't have ever left.
Im a nomad at heart, always moving from one thing to the next. I've found that Im restless no matter where I go. The same might be for you. If you go back, you might find you're still not happy.
So, find out what you really want in life. Think long and hard. And then find out if this can be accomplished without leaving. You can make friends. You can find other ways to make money where you are. There are always options (or, usually there are). And most importantly, is money really the reason for your unhappiness? Usually, and on all statistically significant tests, money ranks at the bottom for what makes a person happy. Search your heart for what you are truly missing, or else you will experience just another detour.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2016): Frankly your question is no question. You are unhappy with your present job, you want to go to your previous job because it paid more and was easier. Your husband doesn't let you, so you have made up your mind to leave him.It is up to you. My only advice is this. This job you are talking about don't last for ever, you can do it only for a number of years of your life,and it involves a lot of tours and traveling like the case with sportspeople. So if you go back to doing it, try to safe the money you earn and invest it wisely to insure your and your kids future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2016): I'm the original poster. Like I said, I was prepared for the judgemental remarks. My husband met me as a dancer and he said he would never change me. Once I was moved in with him he made it clear that I was not allowed to dance. He also said he made enough for the both of us and insinuated that I would still have comforts and luxuries I was used to as a dancer. That was a lie and it turns out he is in debt and I don't think it's fair for him to limit how I make my money as long as I'm not cheating. As far as my son growing up with a stripper mom, my son has been doing just fine. I have a day job (new career I mentioned) and I only dance one or two nights per week. I'm now also taking college courses part time. I don't drink or do drugs and my plan is to dance for 5 more years while I finish school and kick off my career.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2016): Let's remove, for the time being, the stripping thing out of equation.
What you describe is behavior and reasoning of someone who is rather impulsive. That "falling fast& hard" is all very well, but NOT when you are a single parent (which you both are). So, you dragged your kid to Texas (into a somewhat more stable situation, true) and now you plan to drag him/her back to Las Vegas. As if he/she were a piece of luggage. I'm sure that you are not a bad person, but sometimes even good people make bad decisions, so... it looks as if mummy got bored with regular life and wants more money for less work.
You didn't think through what your life would be when you moved to another state where you do not know anyone, well... and it seems as if you are still not thinking things through. That's the basic problem.
I am not saying that marriage is forever, but why did you have to marry him to go and live with him? You behave as if marriage doesn't mean anything. Just another signature you can erase. You live in extremes.
And now, let's talk about stripping without pretending that it is just like any other job. You obviously wanted something more out of life since you got back to school. You even got a new job. So what if it isn't paid as well as tripping, yet. You'll get there. With this job, at least you have some future. How long you think you can strip for? Not to mention the question of your kid. How does that go with stripping? Would you be happy if one day he/she tells you: Hey ma, I need some extra cash so I was thinking of stripping for a while...
I understand how frustrating it must be to have no friends and have a bad paying job, since I moved to a foreign country! But, even though it's hard in the long run it is better for you and your kid, so hang in there. It worked for my husband and me.
You need to understand that what you're thinking and feeling now is not who you are and is not forever. Sit and think as if it were about somebody else. Do not make it personal and do not let your impulses lead you.
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